Hello and welcome to the Aligned Achiever podcast. I’m your host, Siobhan Barnes, and today we’re diving into the quiet question successful women ask themselves, but rarely say out loud.

One of the greatest privileges of being a coach and a facilitator and getting a front row seat into professional women’s lives is that I get to see the common themes, the common quiet fears and doubts that women barely admit to themselves, let alone say to someone out loud. 

And I wanted to speak to that quiet question successful women ask, because I feel like there is this notion that if you’re questioning, if you’re not sure, if you’re doubting, whether you’re on the right path, that somehow you’re ungrateful, or that somehow something has gone wrong. 

But the truth is it’s something that is very pervasive and a lot of women face. So the question that I will speak to in a moment is one of those questions that can really surface quietly in the middle of a busy day at work. It might be on the way to the office when you’re on your commute, or maybe when you’re off to pick up the kids, or even a so-called celebration, or a milestone moment where you’re like, have the moment to just question, and it sounds something like this, is this really it? Is this what I’m meant to be doing?

If those words feel familiar, even if they make you slightly uncomfortable, then this episode is for you. 

Now, at the time of recording, I want to really name the fact that we are living in uncertain times, the fact that you have a job might be something that you’re really, really grateful for, and to ask yourself, Is this really it? Is this what I’m meant to be doing? Sometimes it’s something we don’t even want to say out loud, because we can feel guilty, because we know there are people around us who don’t have jobs, who are struggling and finding it really hard.

And let’s be real, you’re spinning a lot of plates, right? You’re meeting deadlines. You’re navigating changing leadership and company politics, holding space for your team, your clients, and you’re trying to be present for your family or your partner, maybe you’re even doing it all while managing your own inner critic that’s whispering that it’s not enough, that you should just suck it up from the outside.

If you’re listening to this, you’ve probably got a pretty successful career. You’re seen as capable, reliable, high performing and yet there’s a moment, or maybe many moments, where you feel something inside of you shift, and you pause just for a second and think, Is this still working for me? Why am I doing all of this? Can I keep going at this pace? Maybe something has to give. You might not tell anyone, not your colleagues, not your friends, maybe not even your partner.

And that question doesn’t go away. For many women, they admit this question to me when they come and speak to me to seek support, and they have been batting away this question for maybe a year, maybe two years, maybe decades. Yes, there have been instances where I’ve met people who have battered this way for decades, and it can be really hard, because maybe you’ve made a commitment to a certain path a number of years ago. Maybe your kids are in school, and you’ve got to pay for their schooling, and you’ve just got to suck it up and slug away.

And this question might seem a little bit indulgent and frivolous and not worth entertaining, but it is worth addressing, because what we resist persists, and sometimes answering the question is not as scary as you think, and I want to let you know it’s not as unusual as you think, either.

There was research shared by Emily McRae Ruiz, who is a journalist who reports on work and the future of work, and she highlighted that a staggering 73% of women are actually considering a career change, and they’re doing that because they’re driven by a quest for greater fulfillment, better work life balance and escaping environments that are not conducive to their growth. And as I read that statistic, I’m like, Oh, yes, I have spoken to many a woman in that category.

So the quiet question that so many smart, driven, accomplished women ask themselves, but rarely say out loud, is, is this what I’m meant to be doing? Is this really the right path?

And if you’re asking this. It’s not a breakdown, it’s a it’s not a sign of failure, it’s not a weakness, it’s a signal. It’s the part of you that remembers what matters. I call her your chief soul officer, that’s just checking in to say, Hang on a minute. Is there anything we need to tweak? Is there anything we might need to change?

And it’s that part of you that knows that there must be another way, a smarter way, a more efficient way, a more so soulful and joyful way to do things, not because you’re lazy or entitled, but maybe you’ve outgrown the box that you’re in, and you want to do something differently. So this moment, this whisper, it isn’t something to ignore. It’s actually the opposite. It’s something to honor.

Now, if you’re asking this question, there can be some common indicators that you might be at a bit of a career transition point. And when I say career transition, and when I say career transition, this doesn’t mean that you have to quit your job and start something else completely. I’m talking about a pivot. And I mean, like sometimes it’s the micro pivot.

And actually, I’m a big advocate for those micro inner pivots that then lead to those more clear outer pivots that you might see.

But here are five common indicators that actually this question is gone past the point of just being a nice to entertain, to must entertain. So here are the five signs.

Number one, if you’re experiencing persistent unhappiness, then this is absolutely a question that you need to address.

If that Sunday night dread becomes a regular fixture, you might be experiencing dissatisfaction that goes beyond the occasional bad day.

Number two, second sign, lack of motivation.

So if you are asking that question, and you find that this is transitioning and becoming a lack of interest in your work, or where you feel like you’re just disengaged, that can indicate that your career isn’t resonating with your ambitions and passions, and something needs to tweak.

The third sign that it’s something more serious to address is health implications.

If you are stressed, if you’re anxious, and if you’re feeling physical health issues, right? I get this so often, and that’s why embodiment work is so central and core to the work that I do. And nervous system regulation, you know, sometimes what will happen is women will have these physical health issues that the doctors can’t explain. They’ve done the health checks, they’ve done everything, but the Body Keeps the Score, and it’s tension that you’re holding in your body, and that can be the result of prolonged professional discontent.

The fourth sign that you’ve got to answer this question is that if you find yourself comparing yourself to others time and time again.

Maybe you’re more and more envious of their professional strides, or you’re saying that, Oh, you should be somewhere other than where you are. That could be your subconscious telling you that something is amiss.

Now, the fifth sign that this question is something to be addressed is that you have, like, a real reticence towards your career commitments.

So if the thought of longer term career commitments in a particular job fills you with apprehension, dread, or, you know, makes you actually physically wince. There’s a high chance that you’re amid a significant career evaluation.

So those are some of the more extreme signs that this question of, gosh, is this it? Is this what I meant to be doing? that this is something that’s important and something to address in the short term, and, I mean, like, really, really soon, because the risk is, if you let this go unmanaged, then you can get into a state of anxiety, overwhelm, bitterness, martyrdom, poor health, stress, and you can feel really this sense of helplessness with what you’ve got.

And you can really get that sense of like, having those handcuffs and those chains, of like, I have no options, and feeling really stuck, and I don’t want that for you. So you may be tempted to brush the question aside and think, oh, you know what? Maybe it’ll just sort itself out. Maybe it’s one of those days. After all, you’ve worked really hard to get to where you are, and you are grateful for the opportunities. Chances are, you’ve made sacrifices to get to where you are, and you’ve built something real.

But here’s the truth, the part of you that’s asking this question isn’t trying to burn everything down. She’s actually trying to wake you up.

This moment of questioning doesn’t mean you have to quit your job tomorrow. It doesn’t mean starting over. It’s simply your inner compass trying to get your attention. It’s the start of a pivot, not a leap. A pivot begins with listening, not fixing. It really, really does.

And I will tell you, after working with hundreds of clients over more than a decade across different continents, I have seen women ask themselves this question, and for some, yes, they have left their jobs and completely done a 180 and done something else. But more often than not, it’s been a slight pivot into, you know, maybe a different way of showing up at work.

So, believing that they are ready for that leadership role, owning their confidence in that in that space, and then having that translate into their personal life. Some people have transitioned into, you know, doing the same work, but rather than being an employee, going to consultant.

And there are a myriad of different ways that you can solve for this question. Sometimes it’s a minor tweak and it’s internal, and that’s actually where I start. Other times, it’s a bigger picture problem, right? Like, maybe the culture of the organization you’re working at isn’t the right fit. Maybe the restructure and the demands on your time just simply isn’t tenable, and you can’t keep going at that pace and you’re burning out. These are the things that obviously require a conversation with me and you to see where we start. But you know, this question is something that’s waking you up, so I really hope that you can listen.

And I just want to name that we need to be really clear that when you’re approaching life, let’s say you’re in your mid life, which could be anywhere from your 40s maybe your mid 30s and beyond. Like, who knows what midlife is? We never know how long we’re going to live, but this period of midlife, it’s often marked by significant personal and professional transitions.

So for women in particular, the stage intersects with unique challenges and opportunities. So there can be role strain and caregiving. So women in midlife frequently juggle multiple roles, so including professional responsibilities, but also caregiving for children and aging parents, and typically they manage the household duties, and this role is a major source of stress, and it can prompt reevaluation of life priorities and career satisfaction, which is why when I work with women, I’m never just looking at their career. I’m looking at their life as a whole.

Because you are not just your work persona, your work role. You are a multifaceted woman, and you have demands on your relationships, your personal life, your health and all of that needs to be taken into consideration.

Which brings into me to my next point around health and well being so health concerns, those can also trigger a personal or a family health crisis and be a common catalyst for career reassessment. And there can also be, you know, physical and mental health issues, including perimenopause or related symptoms, or, you know, postnatal symptoms as well, after you’ve had a baby, and that can influence both the desire and necessity to make career path changes.

The other element that we have to name is that this part of like identity and meaning, midlife is often a time of existential questioning, where individuals seek to find deeper meaning and alignment between their work and their personal values, and this process of meaning making fulfillment is central to navigating career transitions, because during this season, women often reconsider long held definitions of success and fulfillment. I’ve seen this time and time again, and I’ve experienced this myself.

The fourth element is workplace dynamics, right? We also do live in a world where sometimes there’s a lack of advancement opportunities, there can be ageism, and let’s name what’s happening right now, organizational restructuring, complete change in how we run our workplaces, like that can further drive the desire for change. And many women report feeling overlooked for senior roles or constrained by outdated workplace norms.

So you’ve got all of this going on, and the reason why I’m explaining this is to normalize the fact that you have this question, this secret doubt, the secret questioning for very good reasoning. So if you’re nodding along and you’re like, yep, Shiv, I get it, this is resonating. What do you do about it?

I want to offer you three reflection prompts.

Now. You don’t need a full journaling practice. And if you’re listening to this while you’re driving the car and you can’t access a pen, no problem, just sit with these questions and listen to them and maybe think them through as you’re going about your day, and maybe even on your next walk. You could write down a few notes or thoughts in your notes app.

So the first question I invite you to think about is, number one, what part of your current role feels heavy or misaligned right now? What part of your current role feels heavy or misaligned right now? So maybe you’ve got too much on. You’ve got too many projects happening at this at this point, and just see, okay, what is it that that’s that’s challenging? Is it workload? Is it navigating a difficult boss? Is it unrealistic expectations? Is it a company merger and restructure and you’re not sure if your role is going to be around? What is it that feels heavy or misaligned?

Question number two, which part of you is trying to get your. Attention, which part of you is trying to get your attention? So let’s say, for example, you’ve got a really heavy workload, maybe there’s a part of you that’s trying to say, hey, we need to take some time to rest. We need to take some time to focus on better sleep hygiene, so that you’re getting the sleep you need at night if you are dealing with a difficult boss, maybe there’s a part of you that’s trying to get your attention to say, Hang on a minute. We need to think about what boundaries were put in place with this person so that we can have a working relationship. You know what part of you is trying to get your attention?

Third question, if you had just 10% more energy, how would you want to spend it? And this could be a really interesting question to ask, because it gets you to really think about, okay, what are the things that you’re not getting to in your day to day? You know, so would it be if you had 10% more energy, you would go to that yoga class or that dance class or to the gym? If you had just 10% more energy, would you be cooking healthier meals to support yourself during the week? If you had 10% more energy, might you say to your partner, hey, let’s go on a date night rather than just spending it another evening in front of the TV?

See these three questions, they don’t solve for anything today, but they are just something to get you actually acknowledging this question that you’re silently asking, and get you to actually listen and hear what might need to be tweaked. And this is how recalibration begins. And the recalibration is really, really important if you’ve been asking yourself this quiet question of, is this it? I want you to know you are not alone.

Now, some of you might be listening to this and think, Okay, it’s all very well and good to have these three prompts. But, you know, I have to stay in this job. I would, in an ideal world, be able to leave and start something new, and, you know, be in a respected environment, or whatever it might be, right that you’re solving for. But I can’t Well, I want to share with you some future of work considerations to really remind you that the future landscape of work is changing.

Because here’s the thing, our minds love, certainty and knowing the pathway forward, and the truth is, those pathways that were applicable to our predecessors, so people who were in those roles prior to us, and even, of course, our parents generation as well, those paths are no longer going to apply to us as we stand right now, technical transformation, AI automation, that is changing the landscape of work very, very quickly, the technological shifts that we’re expected to see are really expected to drive both job creation and displacement.

So some people say that over the next five years, 22% of current jobs may be impacted. You know, we might have 78 million new jobs globally, so 7% net growth, but also 92 million jobs displaced. That’s 8% loss. And I’ll quote the research in the show notes if you want to come on over and check it out.

So what does that mean? That means that if you’re questioning and you’re like, oh, better to stick to this path. It’s safer. I’ve been working so hard, maybe actually, your intuition is telling you that there’s something to look at, and it’s asking you to be more adaptive and agile to see how can you prepare yourself for the future and where the your career may be going. The truth is, there’s the rise of the gig economy and alternative work models. Organizations are going to need to adapt to more fluid workforce different structures that manage a blend of full time, part time, contract workers and organizational agility and leadership is going to be more important because companies are going to undergo restructuring to become more allergic, agile and responsive to rapid technology, technological and market changes, and that’s going to have an impact on your work.

So again, I am not saying that you need to quit your job. I am not saying you need to make a big change. But the reason why I’m speaking to this is oftentimes we pendulum swing right when we think, Oh, is this it? We think, Oh, well, I can’t quit my job. And that’s such an extreme view.

I’m not saying that you have to quit your job. You don’t have to entertain that however, we do need to be cognizant of what’s at play, right? What are the factors that are shaping and influencing where you are? So the way the world of work is adjusting, right?

That’s one element your life stage, that is an element, and there’s a part of you that’s just questioning, okay, well, how do I adapt and change? So the truth is, if you’re asking yourself the question is this, it am I on the right path? You’re actually ahead of the curve. You are asking yourself a very good question to make sure that you are prepared for whatever is your right next step.

So I invite you to entertain that question, not to freak out or worry, but to allow yourself to become curious, and you’ve got those three questions that you can work with now, very importantly, if you find this super overwhelming and you’re like, This is too much to think about, I don’t know where to start. You don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. 

We’re reopening the doors to the Pivot Pathfinder Collective, which is a 12 month experience for professional women who are ready to explore a new chapter in their careers and pivot.

And that can be an internal pivot and or an external pivot without having to start from scratch or sacrifice everything they’ve worked for. And we begin exactly here with this question of, is this it? And together, we move through a very strategic step by step process to find your next aligned path.

I’ve created the curriculum so that you get walked through the exact steps that are needed to figure out your path. And the reason why I created this is not to make you exactly the same as everybody else. Rather, I created this program to give you the structure of what the points are that you want to hit on your journey, so that you can get the clarity that you are looking for.

So in the Pivot Pathfinders program, we start with number one, a nervous system and mindset reset. Because chances are you’re probably going 100 million miles an hour. You’re running on adrenaline, and when you’re running from that space and seeing all the blockers, all the reasons why something won’t work, you’re not going to be able to see the opportunities that are there. So we start there, regulating your nervous system, getting you back into that calm, regulated state, so you can switch on that creative brain of yours and see the opportunities that are there. And of course, work with the mindset to see what potential opportunities are available to you.

Step two, we identify what’s working and what’s not, so you can see what is the thing, what is it that is not working? Because we want to make sure we’re solving for the right problem.

Thirdly, we get to really understand yourself, and we do some deep dive work into understanding you, and it’s really cool. I have a few different assessments that you can use. We’ve got chat GPT to help you pull it together so you can see what makes you uniquely you.

And then step four, we create your work life design prototype so we see, how can we start to make some tweaks in your short term now to make sure that you’re optimizing your energy and you’re looking after yourself before you get to this place of step number five, defining your pivot options, where we brainstorm, okay, what are your options?

And once you’ve done all this beautiful work, you’re really clear on what you’re really good at. You’re in this regulated state. You know what problem you’re optimizing for? You know what you really want to create?

Then we start to get tangible and see, okay, well, what are your actual options? Which is super fun. And then we get into some testing and refining, so we actually get our experimentation hat on, and we test your pivot options, and I guide you through a very specific three week sprint where you can test your option to figure out is that something that you want to pursue.

And then finally, we create your pivot pathway action plan so that you can go ahead and make that pivot with grace and with ease and with total support. So this program has been very custom curated.

You work through this curriculum over four months, but you get access to the community space, the live calls with me to receive support for a full year. So as you continue to iterate as you continue to journey I’m there to support you because I’m not going to lie, this process of pivoting, it’s messy, it’s uncomfortable. You’re going to meet mindset challenges. You’re going to meet a lot of stuff that feels difficult and hard, and I want to be there to support you every single step of the way. And let’s be honest, doing it in community is so much more fun than doing it all on your own. So if you’re interested in the pivot pathway Pathfinders collective, come on over to the show notes, and you’ll get all of the details over there. So you can find the information over at siobhanbarnes.com/134.

So thank you so much for tuning in. Please remember you are here for a reason. Please allow yourself to answer that question and know that you’re here for more than just hustling, grinding and merely surviving. You matter.