Welcome to the aligned achiever podcast. I’m your host, Siobhan Barnes, and today we’re exploring some of the misconceptions or the common things that I see that hold women back and that keeps them stuck in their careers.

And this is really coming off the back of coaching women for more than a decade now, and really getting a front row seat into what some of those challenges are that can keep us stuck. And look, I’ll put my hand up and say, I’m in the same camp as well. And I really wanted to speak to these because I want to support you to know where to look and where to focus so that you can craft a fulfilling career without sacrificing your well being or your sense of self. 

So today’s episode is a really tender one, because we’re going to talk about the unspoken blocks that I see, particularly for women, the ones that don’t show up on LinkedIn and that aren’t usually covered in typical career advice, but these are the ones that are very, very real and very common among the women I work with. 

And so if you’ve been feeling stuck, unsure of your next step, maybe you’re dragging your heels or emotionally, just feeling flat about work, then this episode is for you. We’re going to talk about three blocks that are uncommonly spoken about that can hold you back from whatever that next level looks like in your life and in your career. Because, as you know, I think the two go hand in hand. 

Okay, so the first block, or the first challenge that I see is actually unprocessed work trauma from the past.

So let’s start with this thing that’s more common than we realise. So often we carry the emotional weight of a past work experience that really hurt. So maybe you had a toxic boss who micromanaged you, who questioned your every move, or maybe who took credit for your work. Perhaps you were part of a restructure and quietly pushed out, or blindsided after giving it your all, or maybe you simply burned out in a high pressure role and you haven’t yet fully recovered.

Whatever that looks like for you, when we don’t acknowledge and process past experiences, they can quietly shape how we see ourselves. You might find that you question whether you’re cut out for leadership, whether you’re cut out for this role that you’re in. Maybe you actually just avoid applying for roles in the first place because they feel like a stretch, or perhaps you stay small to avoid being seen, challenged or judged.

The truth is, you’re not broken, you’re bruised, and it’s okay to give yourself space to heal. In Pivot Pathfinders, which I’ve spoken about for some time, we actually start the whole program with the nervous system and mindset reset on purpose, because clarity and forging your next steps doesn’t come when you’re still stuck in survival mode and still feeling any angst or tension from a past hurt or a past trauma. It comes when you are regulated and you’re calm and you’re creative, and so if something has happened to you in the past, you might not think that on the surface it’s necessarily impacting you, but it can sneakily show up.

Sometimes, I’ve seen this manifest in clients, like going into a new role and feeling like they have to tell their boss every single thing that they do because their old boss wanted them to, you know, required them to be micromanaged, right? And it was really, really difficult.

So we can bring past experiences into our new realities. And the reason why I’m so passionate about talking about this is that sometimes the real work is not necessarily in changing your external circumstances, although, if you are in a toxic work environment, or, you know, working with toxic people, then I’d seriously invite you to consider whether you are in the right place.

However, you know, sometimes it’s just this internal shift that needs to be made to suddenly then see that. You know you have options. You can show up differently in your role. You can do things differently where you are. And the truth is that I wish more people knew is that until we really resolve some of these ways of working and these ways of being, we’re going to continually find ourselves in very similar situations so that we can resolve that pattern and resolve that, yeah, that pattern of behavior.

And so I really want to encourage you to think about how you might get supported around that, so that these past experiences are ones that you learn from and take into your new role rather than recreate and find yourself in the same patterns and dynamic. So that’s the first uncommon block that I see.

The second uncommon block is with the women that I work with. Primarily they are looking after the family, whether that’s their own children or whether that’s aging parents.

And this is something I see a lot, we often don’t think of home dynamics as a career issue, but they absolutely are. If you’re the default parent, the project manager of the household, the emotional caretaker, that impacts your time, your energy and your sense of what’s possible.

I’ve seen countless brilliant women hold themselves back in going for a new role, starting a side business, or listening to that inner voice that says, You know what, this isn’t it. Because they’re already stretched so thin at home and they feel too guilty or unsupported to do anything about it. Some spouses saying, You know what, why don’t you just do more at home instead of more at work. And look, there is no right or wrong answer. There are many different seasons that you will find yourself in your life and career. Sometimes it’s to lean into work, sometimes it’s to lean into family, but the unclear or unequal family roles and responsibilities is something that I encourage you to think about because maybe you found yourself in these default roles whereby you’re taking on board more of that emotional caretaking labor at home, and perhaps that’s not going acknowledged, and that’s causing you to feel stressed and burnt out.

So if you are a caretaker, whether that’s of children or of aging parents, I invite you to pause and ask yourself, have you actually sat down and talked about what you need at home to feel supported? Have you spoken about how you want to divide the household responsibilities to make sure that you’re not the one that’s carrying everything? Have you given yourself permission to ask for help? Are you willing to let some plates drop and just to take some stuff off your plate entirely? Have the courageous conversation, whether that’s with a partner, kids, your parents, a community, it’s essential. You really don’t have to do this alone.

The third block that I see women facing when it comes to their career that they don’t acknowledge is really feeling like they’re not looking after themselves, so they neglect their body and their nervous systems.

Again, this doesn’t come up in career coaching nearly enough your body. Many of us were taught to solve problems with our heads, to be strategic, to make pros and cons lists to push through. But if your body is depleted, if you are dysregulated or you’re chronically stressed, no strategy will land when you’re disconnected from your body.

You might say yes when you mean no. You might miss the signs of burnout until it’s too late. You might ignore your gut instincts about what feels right? If you’re a cycling woman, you might be pushing through all 28 or whatever, days of your cycle when you know there are intuitively, times to rest and times to push. If you’re entering perimenopause or menopause, you might ignore symptoms and chalk yourself up to something is wrong with you, and you can’t keep at it when your hormones are changing. So don’t neglect your body and your nervous system. Focus on your health. Make sure that is a core pillar that you look at.

Again in Pivot Pathfinders, we incorporate embodiment tools, because I really believe that when you reconnect to your body and you hear your own inner wisdom, that’s when you make choices and decisions that stick, not just from the head, but from the heart too. It’s what lets you feel your next move and not just think.

An important distinction here as well, bringing it back to point number one, when it comes to dealing with past traumas, I’m not just talking about feeling from a reactive place. I’m talking about feeling from a deep, intuitive knowing from a regulated place. The two are very, very different, and what we want to do is to support you to be optimal energy, to be as regulated as possible when you’re thinking about your next career moves or having that courageous conversation or leading your team. And to do that, you need to have a solid connection to your body and to know how to work with your nervous system, you don’t need to hustle your way into the next role. You need to slow down long enough to hear yourself again.

So there you have it, a short and sweet episode about the three surprising reasons why smart capable women stay stuck and don’t move forward and make their lives much harder than needs to be in their work and career. 

Number one is unprocessed workplace trauma. 

Number two is unclear roles and responsibilities when it comes to caregiving. 

And three, it’s neglecting the body and the nervous system. 

If you’ve fallen into any of these traps, just know that these are not failures at all. I’ve fallen into them as well. They’re simply invitations. So let this message be a wake up call to pause, to reflect and to shift from surviving to truly living.

If this resonated and you want guided support to walk through these layers and figure out your next career chapter, I invite you to explore the Pivot Pathfinders Collective. It’s a space for professional women to reset, get clarity and craft a new work life path that actually works for who they are. Now you can come on over to the show notes over at siobhanbarnes.com131, that’s 131 to get more details and come and find me on Instagram or LinkedIn to hear more.

I’d love to hear what’s landing for you and share more information if you feel called.

So until next time, thank you so much for listening. You’re not stuck. You’re on the cusp of something new. So keep going. You are here for a reason beyond merely hustling, grinding and merely surviving, you matter.