Hello and welcome to the aligned achievement podcast. I’m your host, Siobhan Barnes, and this week, coming to you with an episode on what to do when things are not working and you want to make a change, whether that’s leaving your job or switching industries or starting a business, but you don’t have that option. 

So often we bump up against challenges. 

So often we are working in toxic workplace cultures with people that we don’t necessarily want to collaborate and work with.

So often we have to tolerate and figure out how to handle difficult situations. 

And in this week’s episode, I really wanted to offer some support, some inspiration, some guidance as to how you can navigate a period like this for yourself, because sometimes the answer is to change and to make a drastic move and to get out of the situation that you’re in. Other times, it can be an opportunity to learn, grow and develop as a person. 

And so often, I think we are looking to other people to tell us what to do, to look for answers. I know for me, when I was working in my corporate job I once Googled, like, how to know what to do with your life. Like we need some inspiration, we need some guidance as to where to start. And that’s really what I want to provide in this week’s episode. 

First and foremost, I just want to take a moment and say, I see you, and I can appreciate that it’s a very uncomfortable and a very difficult place to live in. 

If you’re anything like the clients, the brilliant clients that I work with, you’re a hard worker, like you know how to get your job done, you’re conscientious, you’re of integrity, you want to do a good job, and you want to be a team player to those in your team that you feel like are, you know, on the same wavelength as you, and yet it can feel so hard when you know that your heart’s just not in it, and this isn’t the right thing for you, or you’re dealing with a difficult person or a difficult environment, and you cannot see the end in sight. 

So step one, if you’re in that place, is not just really to have some compassion for yourself and to take a deep breath. 

You can even take one with me now if you want, and know that this moment, this time, it’s going to pass at some point. And you know, I talk a lot about the seasons in my work, but you’re just in a season of winter at the moment, and you can bet your bottom dollar that spring will be coming around the corner. It’s just that we just don’t know when that is going to be. 

So whilst you’re in this phase, step one is really to think about number one question. Number one, how can you support yourself during this time? 

Maybe this might look like pulling back from friendships or pulling back from social engagements a little bit so that you have some more downtime to rest, recoup and rejuvenate, particularly if you’re an introvert like me, it might look like trying to get out of the office at a reasonable time, once a week, twice a week, three times a week, every day of the week, whatever is reasonable and doable for you with your workload and your schedule, it might look like, saying, I’m going to prioritise an aspect that brings me joy. So it could be prioritising going to the gym. It might be getting out in nature once a week. I can’t prescribe these things for you. These are things that you can think about for yourself, but that’s really where we want to start. 

Putting back some more energy into your cup, putting some more energy back into your engine so that you’re refuelled, you’re resourced to be able to handle whatever life has got coming your way. So that’s step number one. 

Step number two, by the way, is to once you’re looking after yourself and you have those moments where you’re more relaxed, where you’re more connected, to give yourself credit, that you’re looking after yourself in this process.

I often quote Albert Einstein, and if you’ve heard me quote it, I’m going to say it again. But he said “you cannot solve a problem at the same level of consciousness that created it”. 

So if you are constantly stressed and burnt out and you’re not doing that first step of self, love, compassion, doing some things that fill up your cup, you’re not going to see a different way out. You’re not going to come up with creative solutions as to what you can and what you should do for your situation. So that’s step number two. Remember that quote, so that you do the steps in step one and. That you appreciate the fact that you’re changing your consciousness. You’re doing what you can to see a different reality. 

Step number three then becomes asking yourself and getting really clear on what exactly is not working for you right now. 

Is it a specific person? Is it a specific client? Is it a specific circumstance? What is it that is not working for you? And once you’re clear on what’s not working for you, you can begin to identify the problem that you need to solve for I’ll be very, very honest. 

Sometimes when I work with clients, they come to me because they have been trying to figure this out on their own, which means just thinking about what to do, but not doing anything about their situations. They’ve been tolerating it for a really long time. When I say tolerating, I mean they’ve just been sucking it up. Keep on going, accepting that this is part of life, and moving on and soldiering on until one at one point, it becomes unfeasible, becomes untenable. 

They have to do something different, or circumstances change, right? They get made redundant, or, you know, they get fired, or something changes, right? That forces them to do something. And after working with women, high achieving women for the last decade, I will tell you that the answer is not always to change your job, to start a business or to become a consultant. 

For some of you sure that is the right answer, but the deeper thing that matters most is getting clear on what the real problem is and what needs solving for in the first place, a common challenge that I see for my clients is that they will come to me at the end of their tether and they will say, you know, they have perhaps a boss that disrespects them, or there’s a colleague that is ruffling their feathers. 

And when we dive deep into it, we get clear, okay, that’s the challenge. But if you left that job and you left that company because of that person, you know you’re giving that person the power, right? They’re the ones influencing your decision, when really it can be like the right thing to do to leave. I’m just going to caveat that. Obviously, without coaching and understanding nuances, it’s very difficult to be able to say what you shouldn’t do, but often, I do want my clients, and I encourage my clients, to look at, well, what’s your relationship with boundary setting, what’s your relationship with communicating your needs, your wants, and your thoughts and perspective? 

And it’s these qualities, these areas, that we need to look at, because you could then switch over to the next bank or the next law firm or the next wherever industry you’re in, and the exact same thing is going to happen. And obviously we can’t keep switching jobs just because of difficult people, because that’s something that’s not within your control. I can’t control that as a coach either, right? 

So what’s the best way to look at this? It’s about being equipped and the skills and the tools that will help you with boundary setting and communicating effectively. So this is why Step number three is so important, to address the real problem you’re solving for and number four getting clear on what are you going to do about that? How are you going to turn that around and change it? What’s your next step? Is it to read a book on that subject? Is it to engage with a therapist to look through some of those challenges? Is it to work with a coach to figure out which way you want to go? 

By the way, if you’re new to coaching and you’re not sure what coaching is about, I’ll have a link to the show notes with another episode that I recorded talking about coaching and how to know when to work with a coach and what to look out for. And I share that with you, because obviously, yes, I’m a coach, and I would love to hear more about your journey, but if you’re looking at working with a coach, that can be really, really helpful. So I’ll link to that over at the show notes for you as well. 

But getting clear on number four, that step of; What’s your game plan? What’s your action step that’s going to help you feel like you’re moving forward? 

And then the final step, step number five, is to give yourself a pat on the back for doing this work, for not sitting on it, for not letting it just drag on, not doing that deeper work, not looking in the mirror at yourself, because it can be so easy just to keep on going. 

So if you are in that place where you feel like, oh, I want to quit. I don’t want to do this anymore, please follow these five steps to get really clear on that. And if at the end of that, you’re really clear on okay, yes, maybe I need to work on boundaries, but I still need to leave, then sure go, go research to your heart’s content, let that action step then be well, what, what business do you start? What consultancy could you? Could you begin to plan out, you know, like, what is that next step for you? 

And you can then rest assured that you’ve been solving for the right problem. You scratch beneath the surface that little bit deeper, and you’re really making the right choice by you. 

Because the thing is, if you ask for people’s advice around you, they’re going to come at it with their perspectives, which come from their values, their lenses, of how they see the world, what their priorities are. So by all means, you can ask for advice, but just know that other people are going to share their own perspectives from that point of view, and it’s up to you to discern and filter what sits well with you and what doesn’t. 

What are you going to take on board, what are you going to leave behind? And rather than the advice behind what somebody is giving you, think about the thought process behind it is that sound, Is that logical? Is that something you haven’t thought of before? And how can you make that apply to you? And in all honesty, that’s where coaching comes in. 

Coaching is not about, you know, somebody telling you what to do, rather guiding you to ask some really pertinent questions so that you can get your own answers that are aligned and true for you, your values, your moral compass, your desires, what what matters to you and you, my friend, matter. 

So today’s a short and sweet one. 

I went through five steps to help you when you feel like you want to quit and you don’t have a choice like you don’t, you can’t actually do that, but what you can do, even if you can’t make that big decision right now is get clear on what that right problem is, and in that that will bring you a sense of empowerment, a sense of power, that you are doing something and that you’re not just letting life go by and think, you know, fingers crossed, toes crossed, that something’s going to change externally, because you and I both know we don’t have any control over that. 

And actually, when we start to change our perspectives, our energy, our thought processes, the dynamics that we engage in, then, by default, things change and shift around us. 

So thank you so much for tuning in. 

As I said, if you want to access the link to the other podcast episode, I’ll link to that over at the show notes, and just remember that you are here for a reason beyond merely hustling, grinding and merely surviving, you matter.