Do you find yourself feeling stuck?

Sometimes, maybe you’re procrastinating and putting things off. Or maybe you aren’t clear on what you want to do, but you are completely overtaken by that inner self critic that holds you back and makes things unnecessarily hard. If so, this week’s episode is for you.

In this episode, I’m sharing with you your guide to why, when and how to work with a coach.

So whether working with a coach has been on your radar, and you’re in the process of figuring out who you should work with, or you haven’t had this thought in your mind at all. And you’re kind of curious and you’ve stumbled across this episode, then this is exactly for you. I’m going to cover what exactly a coach is, why it could be time to work with one, and when to know when to work with one. I’ll share with you some signs and equally if you do decide to go ahead how to make the most out of your coaching experience, and what to make sure you look out for in a coach in the first place. The purpose of this episode is truly to support you.

Obviously, I am a coach and I will share later about how I particularly work however, these principles still apply.

So a coach is more than just a mentor or an advisor. Coaches are trained professionals who help you navigate your path, overcome obstacles and achieve your goals. Coaches can specialize in many different areas like business life health or executive coaches coaching. And unlike traditional consultants, coaches don’t just provide solutions. They empower you to find and implement your own. Now this can be a little bit tricky, because I know that for me, I was like, well, surely I can figure out the answers on my own. And what a good coach actually does is they asks you questions that perhaps you’ve never asked yourself before. And in asking you those questions, open up new awarenesses.

And the beautiful thing about working with a coach is that it’s an independent third party, there is no agenda by the coach or at least there shouldn’t be if they’re following a code of ethics. And really, the idea is for you to be empowered in the whole process, to know that you have your own answers, and that perhaps you just haven’t been able to access that just yet.

Now recently, I completed my ICF examination, which has been something on my to do list for many, many years. Because for me personally, I went down a bit of a rabbit hole, I started learning coaching, and then I got really interested in different modalities outside of traditional coaching, that really I felt supported my clients to be able to facilitate the transformation they were looking for. And for me for 10 years is very clearly been professional women who want to work and make a contribution, doing something with their skills, their talents, their gifts, yet equally want to have a life and make sure that they are you know, pursuing aligned achievement, whether that’s you know, having children or prioritizing their health goals or traveling the world, whatever that might be. And so I went down the rabbit hole of learning other modalities.

But if we look at traditional, purist coaching, it really is about asking fantastic questions holding space for the client to come up with their own answers.

Now, why should you work with a coach?

The first thing I will say is that, of course, nobody needs a coach, you are inherently smart, talented, most of my clients are very strategic and you know, are able to do things. What can be helpful, and why you can consider working with a coach is just to know that you don’t actually have to go it completely alone.

Particularly as you move up the corporate ladder or you are advancing and maybe you’re an entrepreneur or you’re becoming more senior, you know that those peer groups that you have to be able to share honestly, to be able to get feedback, that can become a little bit more challenging. Of course, there are solutions for that. However, a coach can be really helpful for you to make sense of your unique situation with your unique dynamic. And it goes beyond you know, the meme that we send around each other on Instagram and you know, the popular culture like 15 second videos where like, oh, that’s me, when you work with a goat, you actually have a relationship belt, you have a partner that’s really there to support you with your best interests at heart.

And working with a good coach is really going to support you to make sure that you’re making decisions that are aligned and true for you. Not societal expectations, not what your CEO wants, not what your line manager wants, but for you to get clear on. Okay, what do I need? What do I want to do? And you really don’t always have to be the one figuring it out on your own.

So when is it time to work with a coach?

There are I think five main signs that you can look out for that might signal “Okay, hang on a minute, maybe it’s okay for me to receive some support here. Maybe I need to to work with a coach.”

The first is if you feel like you’re stagnating, and you’re not progressing, where maybe you’ve been putting in the effort, but you actually can’t see the results, whether that’s career advancement, personal growth, or achieving fitness goals. If you feel stuck in a rut, clearly something is not working. And clearly some support and accountability is needed. So that can be the first sign when you need some support.

Now, when I say stagnation, this implies that we always have to be, you know, pedal to the metal achieving and growing and doing all these things. And, you know, I think there’s a special nuance to that. So I don’t believe that it’s like linear trajectory growth. And if you could see me recording, I’ve got like my hand going up, and like this diagonal line, you know, from the zero where the zero, the X and Y axes meet at zero and going up to the right hand corner, I don’t believe it’s like that, I believe in seasons, if you’ve been listening to the podcast, you know, I talk a lot about seasons, there are times when we grow times when we just kind of recoup times when we’re reassessing where we want to go.

And so, stagnation can look like just feeling stuck in any of those phases, whether that is your growth phase, and you’re wanting to grow, but you’re feeling stagnant, whether that’s when you’re trying to get some work life balance, and you feel like you’re falling into those old habits, or whether you’re reinventing yourself and you’re like, oh, my gosh, who am I, I don’t know how to make sense of things anymore. That’s number one.

The second sign that it’s could be time to work with a coach is that you’ve actually got challenges around clarity, and focus. So maybe you have goals, and you’re like, maybe, oh, I want to start a business or I’d like to get to VP or I’d like to get to, you know, C suite level by such and such time. But maybe you don’t have a clear roadmap to get there.

Or perhaps your vision in the first place is really blurry, and you find yourself like easily distracted and you know, been pulled away from what the focus is for you. That can be a really good time to work with a coach to really clarify an anchor in why you want what you want, what is it that you need to do to get there and what distractions are in the way and kind of proactively come up with a plan a game plan to be able to find your clarity, get refocused and see those tangible results and putting again in air quotes that you’re looking for.

And results can be really simple, right? They don’t have to be like hitting that milestone, whilst of course, these milestones are important. They truly believe that the journey is part of the destination, right? It’s not just getting to the end goal, the real process is you’re becoming Who are you becoming in this process? How are you perhaps becoming more at ease with yourself in the process or more confident or, you know, finding that oh, you actually are more capable than you thought, you know, those sorts of things.

The third sign that it’s time to work with a coach is when you’re feeling really overwhelmed and burned out.

So this is something that I spoke about at length, particularly last year on the podcast, because I think so many of us coming off the back of the pandemic with at home working and, you know, not having to see everybody like coming back into working in the office and like kids activities, I’m just speaking about myself, like I’ve, you know, it can be quite overwhelming.

So when we’re juggling too many responsibilities, we’re feeling constantly stressed, and not knowing how to prioritize, that can be signs that you need external help. And by the way, if that’s happening to you, nothing has gone wrong with you, there’s no deficiency, there’s no failure, or any point, just recognize that we are all human. And there are all we all have moments where we’re overwhelmed. We all have moments when we’re burnt out.

And I think as you progress on your career path and your life path, right, you know, generally we kind of increase our capacity to be able to hold more, right, like, once you become older, you’ve perhaps got children to look after aging parents and you know, you’ve got a career, you want to advance in a team to manage, like, you’re suddenly holding a lot more. So just know that if you’re finding yourself overwhelmed, it’s not like you’ve lost a capacity or a skill that you used to have, it’s just that simply you’re being asked to look after a lot more.

And that can inevitably lead to overwhelm and burnout, because a lot of us aren’t taught you know more about our physiology and how we operate best and what we need, we’re being told that more is better. Gotta keep going, you know, wake up at 5am for your morning routine, and all these sorts of things. And whilst these strategies can be helpful and work for some, I really encourage you to find what works best for you. And that’s where a coach can be really helpful. Because you can absolutely go online, you can read all the things but like anything, it’s like, well, how does this apply to me? How does this apply to you?

Okay, so the fourth sign that it might be time to work with a coach is that your accountability is lacking. So maybe you’ve set goals but you struggle to stay committed, and procrastination and lack of follow through are constant battles.

So a coach can really support you, particularly if you work in a longer term engagement like three months, six months beyond, you know, a coach can support you with what do you need to get done between now and the next session, or whatever the timeline is that’s applicable to your goal, and just help you check in on that.

So often like just to knowing that we’ve said, we’re going to do something to someone is enough to get us to move over the inertia to move over who’s gonna know anyway, it’s just myself and actually get into action. So that can work really, really well.

The last sign that it’s a time to work with a coach is that it’s time for a change, you know, maybe you are actually going through a major life change. But that’s your children are getting older and you’re becoming an empty nester, or maybe you’re having children in the first place, or perhaps as a org restructure. And suddenly you find yourself in a different role at work, many, many different ways.

Like I think change is the major, major constant that we all go through. And if you’re unsure how to navigate that transition, guidance can be helpful and not from a person that says, I think you should do this. But from a person who can ask you the right questions to get clear on those exact parameters that you need in order to navigate that change. So it’s quite nuanced.

So those are the five signs that it’s time to work with a coach.

And the one that I obviously haven’t included is that, you know, if you have a desire, and you’re curious, then obviously that’s one to do, too. I have worked with coaches from very early on actually, in my career, even in my early 20s, when coaching wasn’t really a thing. This is back in the 2000s, early 2000s. And I found it extremely helpful just to get some clarity in terms of what I needed to be looking for. Now, I have worked with many different types of coaches. So I have an experience of working with excellent coaches that have really helped me and not so great coaches.

And I’ve worked with great coaches who are credentialed and certified and I’ve worked with amazing coaches who aren’t credentialed and certified.

So let’s talk about what to look out for in a coach if you are looking for one.

And first of all, I want to say that the industry is really unregulated there. Anyone can really call themselves a coach these days, you don’t really need a specific degree or qualification. There aren’t governing bodies that can signify that you’ve done some rigorous training and development to get to a certain level.

And as I said, I kind of finally circled around to getting my ICF, which is the International Coach Federation’s certification or qualification, I should say. And I passed my exam the other day, which was phenomenal and so exciting. And for me, actually, it was quite helpful to circle back to it after doing my first training like more than 10 years ago. And what I really appreciate about a governing body such as the ICF, is the rigor and the standards that are there. So they’re very clear guidelines in terms of, you know, the ethics and the code and the guiding principles that are really important in terms of how to coach properly again, in a very purist model.

And I think when you’re looking for a coach, you want to see, you know, what is the coach’s credentials. And you know, if they have an ICF accreditation, that tells you that they’ve put in the training and put in the work. And if they don’t, also like don’t necessarily discount them, because they’re a great, I’ve worked with really great coaches who don’t have that particular credential as well. So you could absolutely number one, look out for a certification or understand like, where did the coach train with and understand what coaching organization they learned from?

Secondly, I think what’s actually really important is any relevant experience that the coach has, you want to work with a coach who has experience in the specific area you want to improve in whether that’s career advancement, personal development, etc? And, you know, try and understand the track record, right? Are there any case studies or testimonials from previous clients to gauge their success and helping others achieve similar goals? So that’s one area that I would look out for in a coach.

And don’t be afraid to ask around, you know, and oftentimes, I get people coming to me through word of mouth and referrals. And so if you’re looking for a coach, ask friends, do you work with a coach, I’m looking for someone in this particular area, who do you recommend? And if someone’s worked with someone that’s great first hand experience that you know, they’re worth their chops and worth like taking, taking a look at.

The second thing you want to look at when you’re working with a coach is understand their coaching style and approach. So every coach has a unique style, and it has to align with your personality and learning preferences. And I really learned this through going like learning lots of different modalities so quickly.

I’ve done neuroscience for coaching. I’ve done rapid transformational therapy, which is a type of hypnotherapy where we do repatterning work, not coaching at all. Another different tool, I’ve done embodiment coaching where I work worked at the School of embodied arts for four years as a coach trainer. I’ve done energetics coaching certification, I’ve done lots of bits and pieces in there. Like, you know, Reiki has been a part of that and all these other areas.

So I’ve really gone down the rabbit hole and the gamut of lots of different things, nonlinear movement method, like so many I could keep going on, but I won’t bore you.

And what I’m sharing that with you is that a coach will have a certain flavour or a certain way that they like to work with their clients. And they’ll bring a certain lens to it. So for me, my lens is very much an embodied lens, and an emotional lens.

I don’t believe in coaching you jazz from the neck up and just coming up with strategies. I believe that behaviour change and true transformation and change comes when you’re connected to your body, your emotions, your energy.

And so those other tools I’ve learned really support in that.

So when you’re looking at coaches, like check in with their compatibility, like is the coach’s style something that you resonate with? Do you want someone who’s more directive and strategic and business like in which case go for it? Or do you want to work with a coach who is a little bit more nurturing? We all need different things at different times. And if you work with a therapist, you know, it’s the same thing, right? It’s a lot about chemistry.

The second thing is methodology, understand your coaches methodology. So some coaches use structured frameworks, others adopt a more flexible and adaptive one.

So for example, for me, when I work with clients, I talk about this four stages that we work through in our coaching. Number one, I support them with intuitive clarity, like, what is that focus? What’s that vision that you’re trying to achieve? We look at the second pillar of mindset, because so often, there is a operating system that’s holding a belief in place that then impacts our behavior, then we look at the strategy, like what do we need to do to get to the outcome that you’re looking for? And then execution, that’s where the accountability piece comes in, in terms of like, well, what do you need to do in the next couple of weeks before we next meet. So I have a structure and I have a methodology.

But it’s nonlinear. So we can start with the mindset with the client, we can start with strategy, like it really depends on the client. So it’s both structure lead, and also client lead. So there’s a little bit of room to play in there.

The third thing you want to think about is communication style. So effective communication is really clear key, ensure that the coach communicates clearly with you. They listen actively. And if they if there’s feedback involved, that they give it in a way that is constructive and motivating for you.

So coaching and style and approach is really important.

The fourth thing that’s really important is really clear goals and expectations. So you want to find a coach that will help you with goal setting to set some really specific tangible goals, who’s able to set clear expectations in terms of, you know, maybe perhaps, like what, what’s required to get to that result that you’re looking for, who can articulate what to expect from coaching sessions, including the frequency of meetings, and the type of support that they offer.

And also, thirdly, like think about how you might want to measure progress, progress. So how you’re going to measure progress and success, making sure that you have a coach that can regularly review and check in with your goals just to adjust as necessary to ensure that you’re working on the right things.

And then you’ve also got chemistry and trust, right, that’s really important. As I said, before referencing the therapy example, you want to find someone that you feel comfortable with. When you are coaching with someone, the best way to receive the best amount of support is to be open and vulnerable and honest and real.

It’s your space, your time and you know, your coach should be coaching you from a non judgmental space, how ironic I just said should be which sounds really judgmental in itself. But you get my drift, right, the coach is supposed to be there to support you, the more open and honest and vulnerable you can be, the better. And you need to have that chemistry and that trust to feel into or, like get a sense from this coach, is this someone you’re going to open up with.

And I think for me, that’s been one of the key things in working with coaches, if I can work with a coach and I can feel safe to open up and, you know, admit some pretty shameful or parts that I might want to try and keep hidden from everyone. Like if I can find that vulnerability to share that with a coach, then the process is so much easier.

Because you want to build that trust, you want to have that mutual respect. And then finally, you want to make sure that you know your coach needs to be committed to the process. So you want to make sure you have someone who is accountable, who will show up on time and all that good stuff. So that’s what you want to look out for in a coach.

And the final thing I want to talk about is how can you, as the client or coachee make the most out of your coaching experience.

And this is where I find it can be a bit challenging when you’re newer to coaching because it’s so client led right, it’s so led by you that if you’re new to it like, Well, how do I get the best out of this? Like, what do I do, like, tell me what to do like, I need some guidance here.

So here’s the guidance and the recommendations that I have for you.

So I kind of alluded to this first point just now. But number one, be open and honest, your coach can only help you if you’re transparent about your challenges, your fears and your goals. Honesty is the foundation of effective coaching. Truly, and I thank my clients pretty much after every session for being so open and so vulnerable and honest with me, because it truly is a great privilege. And honestly, this is where the transformation can happen.

Number two, you as the individual coach, you’re in the driving seat, the point of coaching is to remind you how powerful you are, that you have all the answers within. And it’s an invitation to step into your own self leadership. So think about what are those goals that you want to set, your coach is not going to set your goals for you, they’re not living your life, they don’t know what’s best for you. Sure, they can help you identify which goals you quote unquote, should be setting as in which ones are right for you. But before starting, have a clearer idea of what you want to achieve.

Work with your coach to set those like Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant time bound SMART goals, right. And be really clear on what those are.

Third thing for you as the coachee, as the client, commit to the process, commit to it, it’s coaching isn’t a magic fix. It’s not like you have one session and all your life’s problems, like for 40 years suddenly go away, like therapy or something else. Like it requires dedication and effort and time.

You know, as a coach, I remember always wanting to have the most facilitate the most amazing breakthroughs for my clients. And this is a common thing I see with coaches that we want to do the best that we can. But if we’re even as a coach, if we hold that intention for you as the client, we’re going to be pushing you in a direction, we’re going to be encouraging you in a certain way that maybe you’re not ready yet. Right? Maybe you’re not ready for.

And as I mentioned, I come from an embodied and emotional place, you cannot rush this in the body. And I don’t know how long something’s gonna take for each of my clients, there are layers and layers and onions and onions. And I you know, you never know on that first call that you have with someone. So commit to the process, be prepared to do the work both during the sessions and in between, if you find something’s not working, or you want to speak to something with your coach, address it, address the elephant in the room, but just know it’s a journey, and commit to that journey.

The other thing I’d say is embrace feedback. So take feedback as you will, but it can really be a tool for improvement. Typically, as coaches, you know, if we look at the purist coaching model, we’re not going to be offering feedback, because that’s not our place, we’re not here to judge you, we’re not here to praise you or, you know, have you moulded into our version of what a good thing is, or a bad thing is. So, you know, you can certainly asked for reflections or things that, like the coach might be noticing and say, Hey, I’m open to those reflections. And just know that they should be a part of the growth process.

The other thing I would say to make the most out of your coaching experience that’s important is to take action, implement those strategies and action plans that you’ve developed with your coach, do the things, do it, real change happens outside the coaching sessions as well through consistent effort. So just know it’s not just in the session, it’s something in the follow up.

And lastly, reflect and adjust regularly review your progress and be open to adjusting your goals and strategies as needed. This is something I do with my clients very regularly, normally, about halfway through, I do a check in to say, hey, at the start, this is what we were working on. Is this still writing true for you? Or has anything shifted and changed as we’ve had these conversations?

So again, you take stock of that yourself, you know, not your coach might not necessarily be taking track of that. But regularly regrew and say hey, I think this has changed or that has changed. But no, no, that flexibility is key to navigating the ups and downs of your journey.

Now obviously, I work as a coach, I’ve shared a little bit throughout this episode how I work. And so if you are curious and you’re like maybe I want to work with a coach and maybe Siobhan might be someone I want to work with. Then book a free Get Unstuck Call with me, if you work with any coach, they will typically offer this as well.

Essentially, it’s a time in my calls, I run them as a way to get to know you, what’s your biggest challenge, what’s working, what’s not, and identify what is the thing that’s keeping you stuck. And what is it that perhaps you need to do in order to really undo the pattern that’s holding this feeling of stuckness in place. And so during this call with myself and other coaches will run this differently. Really you’re getting a feel for the individual’s coaching style you’re seeing if there’s a rapport there a sense of trust, a sense of safety.

And from where I’m sitting, I say this to everybody who hops on a call with me. There’s no obligation. I’m not expecting like this to be a gross, sleazy, slimy and salesy call, it really is an opportunity for me to get to know more about what my audience’s challenges are, what more women like you are struggling with, which helps me create our free content like this. And if I gel with someone, and it’s the right fit, and they want to work with me, and I want to work with them, that’s icing on the cake. It’s amazing. I love having those deep and intimate conversations and relationships with clients.

But again, completely, you know, an unnecessary to feel any pressure, there’s zero obligation. So if you would like to book one of those calls, you can book that with me, I’ll pop a link to that over in the show notes, which you can find at siobhanbarnes.com/112.

And the final thing on that is, I really appreciate when people come onto the call and say I’m looking for this and I’m speaking to other coaches, I’m like, that’s fantastic. Do shop around, do speak to different people get a flavour, see what you’re looking for. I believe that there’s plenty of support that’s out there for you. And what matters the most is that you do get the right support for you. So take your time with the process, find the person that you think you’d like to gel with.

And again, with these strategies in place to make the most out of your coaching, what to look out for for coaching, I really hope that you have this beautiful coaching relationship.

So there you have it, thank you for tuning in to today’s episode, your guide to why when and how to work with a coach. And if you had any big takeaways feel free to hit reply to the newsletter that I send where you get this, get this podcast, or come and find me on Instagram or LinkedIn again, I’ll put my link in the show notes.

I’d love to hear what your biggest takeaway was from today’s episode and answer any questions that you might have. So thank you so much for tuning in. And please remember you are here for a reason beyond merely hustling, grinding and merely surviving, you matter.