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I’m Siobhan. That’s pronounced Shiv-On. Which rhymes with Yvonne. My friends call me Shiv, and you can do the same. I’m a mother, lover, writer and a soulful executive coach. I help women figure out why you’re here, what you’re here to do, and get to work doing it, so that you can live your life in full colour without the hustle, grind and merely surviving.

Hello!

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How to undo the trap of overgiving and under receiving

Connecting Mind Body Soul

May 12, 2021

We all want to wake up excited on a Monday morning…..

 

We want to feel ready to dive into a week filled with meaningful work AND still have plenty of space to prioritise the real things that matter most (family, health, sleep, creativity, friendships, play….what’s it for you?).

 

And yet how many of us are actually living this reality?

 

Look around the train on a morning commute (if that’s even possible where you are) and you’ll see waves of faces glued to screens looking disengaged and zoned out…

I desire a world in which we can all flourish. 

 

Where we can each contribute in our own unique ways, sharing our soul gifts and doing the work we feel called towards. Creating meaningful ripples in our own communities and organisations….

 

I desire a world where we can work in sustainable and nourishing ways that don’t require 12-15 hour days on the regular or the need to constantly be available. 

 

I deeply desire a culture where burnout isn’t a necessary evil to creating material “success.”

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Part of the reason so many of us, especially womxn, feel so disengaged in our work and careers is because the culture we live in wasn’t built to support what we need to show up and thrive.

 

Our culture demands productivity, prioritises intellectual strategies and is set up to perpetuate the power dynamics that benefit a select few…

 

What does this actually look like for the modern woman?

 

In a nutshell: chronic overgiving and under-receiving.

 

What if the reason that you’re feeling “meh” or “disconnected” from your life and career has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you?  

 

What if it has everything to do with being attuned to a culture that encourages you to….keep giving when you’re tired and depleted….and to be grateful for playing small…

 

What if your feeling of disconnection is your body’s way of telling you that something is off. And has to change? 

 

What would happen to your energy, your clarity, your focus if you stopped overgiving and under-receiving….what would become available to you then? 

 

Excited at the possibilities? 

 

Me too! 

 

Let’s dive in.

Blog Template (3)

How to undo the trap of overgiving and under-receiving

 


The key to undoing the trap of overgiving and under-receiving is to recognise where and why it exists in your life….

 

Let’s start with why…

 

Why we over-give and under-receive

 

When you were a little kid, what were you praised for? 

 

As a cis-gendered girl, I was raised and praised for:

 

  • Listening before talking
  • Letting others go first
  • Respecting my elders
  • Doing as I was told
  • Speaking when I was spoken to
  • Being “good”
  • Being “nice”

 

How about you? 

 

The praise and reward I received as a girl reinforced the narrative that I had to be a “good girl” in order to be loved and accepted. 

 

This narrative isn’t something that’s just unique to me…

 

I’ve worked with countless women from different cultures and backgrounds who’ve learned to put “others” over and above themselves — often to their own detriment.

 

Aka over give and under receive.

 

Whilst it’s not a bad thing to listen, care for others, show respect and be a considerate human being….it can be a bad thing if you continually do this and put yourself last. 

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No, in fact it can be a dangerous thing to do.

 

Why dangerous?

 

Because you’re reinforcing the programming that denies your own worth as a human being. Ya know?  The one with your own needs, wants, desires for yourself?

Which leads me onto…

 

How women over-give and under-receive

 

This can show up in a myriad of ways….in my personal experience it shows up in a few distinct ways. I break it down using the REAL framework that I use with my clients to come back to who they really are and why they’re here.

 

Here are just some of the ways that overgiving and under-receiving shows up as:

 

R: RECLAIM

 

  • Prioritising others’ perception of you and the expectations you have to live up to over and above receive love and acceptance for who you really are
  • Putting greater weight on what your partner/friend/parent/teacher thinks is “right” for you rather than trusting yourself

 

E: EXPRESS

 

  • Holding back your opinion or point of view in order to prioritise someone else’s comfort over and above your own needs to share and be seen
  • Waiting for others to go or share first before you (if you even get a turn at all)
  • Being the listener in a conversation and not having the space or time to be heard 

 

A: ALIGN

 

  • Staying in a career that isn’t you but staying in it because you don’t want to let anyone down
  • Desiring to do something more meaningful/aligned in your life and career but prioritising your other responsibilities and obligations that stop you from honouring your own desires

 

L: LIVE

 

  • Saying “yes” to doing more when you’re actually tired and your body needs to rest
  • Being the one who’s always providing the support to others but saying “no need” when others desire to reciprocate
  • Cramming your schedule full of to-do’s and responsibilities which aren’t entirely yours to do or carry

 

Why this isn’t OK

 

What would happen to your energy, your clarity, your focus if you stopped overgiving and under-receiving….what would become available to you then?

Siobhan Barnes - Hong Kong Life Coach Career Coach - Hong Kong Image4

Our societal business structures prioritise extracting and “taking” over nurturing and sustainability…and I believe that in allowing ourselves to overgive and under-receive we are perpetuating this dynamic on a greater scale. 

 

And it’s got to stop!  

 

Where to from here?

 

If you’re curious about how you can stop overgiving and under-receiving and redefine a what a soul aligned life and career is for you, then make sure you sign up for a free masterclass I’m hosting….

 

During the masterclass I’ll be diving into how you can uncover your individual alignment code and use it to create your bespoke path to a career that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.

 

Click here to register your free seat for the masterclass: Your Path To A Soul Aligned Career Without Quitting Your 9-5 or Risking Your Financial Security.

 

Before you go…

 

I’d love to hear from you and know:

 

  • In which ways do you overgive and under-recieve?
  • What is it costing you?

 

Please share in the comments below. I’d love to support you!

 

With love,

Siobhan

Xoxo

 

P.S. If you’re done with overgiving and under receiving and desire to free up your energy to enjoy your life and career, then make sure you register for a free masterclass training Your Path To A Soul Aligned Career Without Quitting Your 9-5 or Risking Your Financial Security.  I’ll be walking you through how you can uncover your individual alignment code and use it to create your bespoke path to a career that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside. 

 

You can register your seat over at: https://www.soulalignedcollective.com/careerpathmasterclass I can’t wait to see you there! 

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Finding
clarity

Connecting your mind + body + soul

HOW CAN I BEST SUPPORT YOU?

Sustainable productivity + focus

Navigating transitions + tough times

Honouring your callings + desires

Untangling from fear, uncertainty + doubt

Wanna know more?

I’m Siobhan. That’s pronounced Shiv-On. Which rhymes with Yvonne. My friends call me Shiv, and you can do the same. I’m a mother, lover, writer and a soulful executive coach. I help women figure out why you’re here, what you’re here to do, and get to work doing it, so that you can live your life in full colour without the hustle, grind and merely surviving.

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