Honouring Your Callings + Desires

The 5 Essential Things To Stop Tolerating So that You Can Start Living

May 4, 2021

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When was the last time you felt alive and on purpose?


This was a question I recently posed to a coaching client. 


After a long pause…she replied “I honestly can’t remember….”


We proceeded to talk about all the “things” standing in the way of her really enjoying her work and life….and feeling like she’s making a difference….


  • A stressful work environment and way-too-demanding expectations from leadership 
  • Too much to do, too little time
  • Needing to prioritise kids first with little in the tank left for herself
  • Falling into auto-pilot with her partner to “manage a home and kids” rather than genuinely enjoying time together
  • The list goes on….


We live in a culture that focuses on productivity and DOING. 


Don’t get me wrong. Getting things done matters. 100%.


But what matters more is doing things that bring us a sense of fulfilment, aliveness and meaning.

Sure bills, paying taxes, and life admin may not make us want to dance around the room dancing to “Dance Hits” on Spotify….(I believe there are just some things you gotta do, because that’s what we gotta do as adult citizens)


But on the whole we do have a choice on how we are filling our calendars and what we are using our time for.  


When you’re stuck in a rut and spinning faster and faster in the hamster wheel of climbing a ladder that doesn’t feel right and true for you….the real challenge ISN’T a lack of time, or lack of clarity….

Siobhan Barnes - Hong Kong Life Coach Career Coach - Purple Coffee10g

What it is really boils down is this:


An incredible ability to tolerate what I call “good enough.”


How do you know if you’re tolerating good enough?


Here are a few examples:


  • Desiring to move on and do something else with your work but talking yourself out of it because your current career is stable and secure and you don’t want to rock the boat
  • Wanting to takes a class in something interesting….but saying “I don’t have enough time” or “I can’t spend that” and continuing to prioritising everyone else’s needs for you over and above your own
  • Feeling the call to make a contribution/difference… focusing need to make a grand gesture when there are lots of little opportunities available to do what you can with what you have (side note: right now, you can support the women in India who have been forced into sex work and can’t provide for their children due to COVID over at: https://milaap.org/fundraisers/support-women-and-children-of-gb-road. Note: Hat tip to my peer Sharandeep Kaur for raising awareness on this via @southasiantoday 


Tolerating “good enough” doesn’t serve anyone. 


So, let’s dive into:

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The 5 essential things to stop tolerating so that you can start living



Thing #1: Stop tolerating playing small


Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson 


Don’t let fear stop you from exploring playing bigger and doing something more impactful and meaningful with your time and energy.



Thing #2: Stop tolerating excuses 


“There are only two options: make progress or make excuses.”


Sometimes there are genuine reasons why you shouldn’t or can’t do something. 


For example:


  • maybe you’re in a phase of your life which is about raising your young babies and children and now’s not the time to start your business 
  • perhaps you’re in a season of rest and restoration
  • you may have just moved countries and need a little time to settle 


Deep down in your body, you know if you’re making choices that align to your progress OR if you’re making excuses. 



Thing #3: Stop tolerating perfectionism


“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life”  Anne Lamott 

Siobhan Barnes - Hong Kong Life Coach Career Coach - Purple Coffee10w

Don’t let the chase for the perfect career or perfect business or perfect “whatever” stop you from listening to your heart and inner most callings. 


Your mind is smart and strategic AND also laced with the need for perfection….which doesn’t exist.

Listen to your heart and then get your rational mind on board to take action towards what you DO want. 



Thing #4: Stop tolerating other people’s demands of you


“Don’t shrink to meet the expectations of others, grow to become the person you want to be.”  Kris Carr 


Focusing on others and what they expect and demand of you stops you from claiming your own lane and listening to your own inner guidance on why you’re here and what you’re here to do, be and experience. 



Thing #5: Stop tolerating the luxury/illusion of “later”


“You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step”  Martin Luther King Jnr 


So often we don’t take any action because we can’t see all the steps nor the entire perfect plan to make it happen before making a single step.


Start small. Begin with baby steps. 


You don’t have to quit your job and start a brand new career for greater fulfillment and happiness. 


You can begin by playing with your ideas and doing something that inches you closer to your interests and desires. 


The truth is…


We only have one life and it’s up to you what you choose to do and who you choose to be. 


The biggest blocks to making the most of our life is what we tolerate. 


To recap we explored the top 5 things we tolerate:


  • #1: Playing small
  • #2: Making excuses
  • #3: Needing to be perfect
  • #4: Other people’s demands of you
  • #5: The luxury/illusion of “later”


And so I’m curious to hear from you before you go…


  • Which of the 5 things shared here are you tolerating?
  • Is there something else you’re tolerating?
Siobhan Barnes - Hong Kong Life Coach Career Coach - Purple Coffee10

Feel free to share with me in the comments below! 


If you want to know “how” to figure out what else or what more is there for you…and take those baby steps towards a meaningful career…


Stay tuned, I’m launching my signature program: Finding Your Soul Aligned Career soon. Together we’ll explore the daunting question of “If it’s not this, what else is it?” 


If you want more details, just send me an email at hello@siobhanbarnes.com with a message: “I’m interested to hear more about Finding Your Soul Aligned Career” and I’ll share more. 


Wishing you a beautiful week!






P.S. In my signature program: Finding Your Soul Aligned Career, you’re going to stop tolerating and putting off the decision of “should I stay” or “should I go?”. Together we’ll explore the daunting question of “If it’s not this, what else is it?” 


In the experience you’ll confidently decide which career direction you want to take all without getting to the point of burnout because you’ve left your own desires on the backburner for so long. AND without having to quit your job too soon, putting your financial future at risk. 


Want all the details? Simply send me an email at hello@siobhanbarnes.com with a message: “I’m interested to hear more about Finding Your Soul Aligned Career.”


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