Connecting Mind Body Soul

The 3 Rules of the Mind

January 19, 2021

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I was wrapping up a client session the other day…


We were talking about how our minds work and why we need to understand the “rules” of the mind so that we can work with our biology instead of against it.


“I wish I knew this years ago.” she said. 


“Now that I know these rules, I realise that there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s just that I’ve been going about my approach the wrong way.” 


Too many women assume that when we can’t achieve a goal or pick up a new habit, that there’s something wrong with us. 


But the truth is, there isn’t. 


Our minds are wired to work a certain way…and there are a few things you need to know if you’re desiring to:


  • Leap into something new and unknown (like change careers, start a new job, make a big transition) OR
  • Start a new habit (like exercise everyday, go vegan, not gossip) etc.


So many of us berate ourselves for not being able to do or achieve certain things….


When you understand the rules of the mind you can begin to work with your mind rather than against it and feel like you’re making progress.


These rules are essentials to know during these times when there is still so much uncertainty and unknown.


Like my client, I want you to feel empowered with a different approach to reset your mind, heart and body to what it is that you really want. 


Let’s dive in!

Blog Template (5)


The 3 Rules of The Mind 



#1: Your Mind Does What It Thinks You Want


Your beliefs are hardwired into your subconscious mind. 


Between the ages of 0 and 7 you are scanning the world around you and making meaning, interpretation, and rules of how the world works around you. 


These beliefs you make at this age stick….


Your mind has the ability to create conditions and situations to support your beliefs which means it’s got your back and wants to make sure you’re moving away from pain and pleasure. 


Sounds good right?


Technically yes but if you’ve got a belief running the show that isn’t serving you, then it can be a problem…


Let’s say for example you get hot and flustered when you need to present and hate the whole experience…


This may be a challenge for you because when you were younger you were laughed at for saying the wrong thing in class or stumbled over your words. 


Your mind associated pain and humiliation with speaking up and now you self-sabotage whenever you need to make a presentation (which may be a necessary part of your job!) 


Action Step: Notice what you say to yourself when you have to present. What’s the story? What words and language do you use? Then ask yourself if that way of speaking is supporting or hindering you?



#2: Your Mind Responds To Two Key Things


These two things are:


  1. The pictures you see and visualise
  2. The words you tell yourself


When you are going after something in your life…


e.g. a new promotion, getting a pay rise, starting a new habit


…..Your mind will automatically assign a visual image to that. 



For a new promotion, you may visualise more meetings in your calendar.


For a pay rise, you may visualise seeing a bigger number in your bank account. 


If you’re desiring to exercise every day, you may visualise fitting into your lululemons without a muffin top.


Oftentimes we don’t stop to think about what we’re visualising and what we’re telling ourselves about these things. 

Sobhan Barnes

We may think and believe we want the goal….but the picture we visualise and the words we’re saying may be the opposite. 


Action Step: If you’re working on a goal or habit this year…what do you see and what you say to yourself about this goal or habit? Is it positive and inspiring and makes you feel good? Or is it the opposite?



#3: Your Mind Loves What Is Familiar


We are programmed to re-create and seek what is familiar.


Familiarity = security = comfort


Which is why it’s so tricky to start up a new habit. 


Our mind doesn’t want to change. 


You may desire a promotion….but your mind is comfortable with what it knows in the current role you’re doing. 


You may desire a pay rise….but your mind isn’t familiar with earning more. 


You may desire to exercise every day….but your mind wants you to stick to old ways and just stay in bed instead.


Which is why having a powerful vision and associating incredible pleasure with your desired goal or habit is so crucial. It’s the anchor that supports you to move forward towards your goal or new habit.


Action Step: Consider…what’s the deeper “why” behind your goal or new habit? Can you allow yourself to feel the pleasure in the “why”?


The truth is:




It really is that simple. 


The question is what do you want?


If you need help getting clear on what you want and how to rewire your mind to create a life and career that lights you up from the inside out then send me a message and get in touch. 


In the meantime I would love to hear from you….


  • What do you want?
  • What rule of the mind are you going to work with to create your career goals?


I’d love to know in the comments below. 


Wishing you a beautiful rest of your week. 


With love,



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