I’m Siobhan Barnes, ex-commercial and corporate real estate professional turned leadership and life coach, supporting high-achieving professionals to step into purpose-led careers without having to sacrifice their soul, sanity, or steady paycheck. I’ve coached hundreds of professionals to figure out their unique path to create meaningful success that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside, using my signature aligned achievement method in this podcast. I’ll share how you can get clarity on your unique path, how to make an impact, and step into more purpose in a way that’s right and true for you. Let’s dive in. Hello. welcome to today’s episode. I am really glad that you’re here for this one, because what I want to talk about today has been coming up constantly in my conversations with women lately, and I think it’s one of those things that a lot of people are quietly carrying without much language for it, so let’s dive into it. So today we’re talking about that career conversation, or that voice that you keep having with yourself at 2am and why it won’t stop until you do this one thing. So let’s set the scene. I don’t know about you, but I know I have experienced this, where sometimes there is a version of this conversation that happens somewhere between 11pm and 3am It’s not super dramatic, there’s no major crisis, you’re not falling apart, you’re just lying there, and suddenly a thought surfaces, the same one that’s been surfacing for weeks, maybe months, maybe longer, that you’d like to admit, and the thought is something just needs to change, something just isn’t quite it. And then immediately another part kicks in, the part that runs the numbers, the part that reminds you that what you’ve built is really great, and you can’t risk changing anything. What would people think if you change something? Oh gosh, what are those mortgage numbers? And gosh, what do my kids need? And that part, honestly, is very good at its job. It’s trying to keep you safe and convince you that where you are is where you’re meant to be. And so you loop around again, eventually you fall asleep, and a few nights later it might happen again, like something’s not right at work, something needs to change, but nah, maybe it’ll get better. Maybe it’s just I’m going through a phase, maybe it’s a midlife crisis or a quarter life crisis, or maybe it’s just this person, and if this person changes, then I’ll be happy. And so, if you’ve had this version of a thought, and this is familiar, then this episode is for you. So, I work with women, really successful, smart, brilliant women, who at one point in their lives have sat in this very exact loop, women who are not lost, they’re not failing, they’re not lacking ambitions or options or intelligence, but who just can’t seem to get out of a pattern of thinking something needs to change without actually making one, and what I’ve noticed working with women at this particular crossroads, and having been in my own version of this many, many times, is that the thing that’s keeping them stuck is almost never what they think it is. It isn’t actually a fear of failure, it isn’t a lack of options, it’s not even the financial reality, as real and as heavy as that is for a lot of women, and something that’s really important to acknowledge it’s actually something more specific than that, and I want to name it today, because once you can see the loop, it starts to make a different kind of sense. So, for me, I’ve experienced this many times. I remember working in my last full-time corporate job, which was many, many years ago, now more than a decade ago, and having that thought of, like, oh my god, another week, how am I going to make it through? How can I keep doing this, and then, like, embracing and really forcefully trying to make my way through the week. I’ve equally experienced it when I’ve been following the path that I love, and I love coaching, but have felt like, oh my god, it’s really difficult, the inconsistent income, and all of that. Like, how am I going to make this work? And so this loop that I speak of, I just want you to know that it’s super normal, and at some point I think we’re all going to go through it, because we are here to evolve. We are here to change, and whether it comes internally from this evolving, maturing version of you that is wanting to experience something different, or wanting to take on a different challenge, or wanting to shift gears, whether you’re having a family or you’re becoming an empty nester, and you know seasons change, or you’re being forced to think about change because your organization is restructuring, and the current role and the current path that you thought you were going to walk is not available to you anymore, or AI and the disruption that comes from that, and so I really want to speak to this. In greater depth, because I really do think that the ability to pivot, the ability to be adaptable and resilient is super important, which, spoiler alert, if you are navigating this, I’m actually launching a free two-week email series called What the Future of Work Means for Your Career, especially if you suspect that your current path has an expiry date, and we start as soon as this podcast goes live, if not already. So, if you’re like this is me, and you would like to be supported through this, come and check out this free email series to guide you through the steps you need to be thinking about, and how to support yourself through a potential pivot, or a potential change, or a potential decision that you need to make, and you can check out the link in the show notes over at Siobhan barnes.com forward slash 149 to get yourself signed up, but for now let’s bring it back to this episode. So going back to this scenario where you’re lying in bed, it’s the middle of the night and you’re trying to get to sleep, or you’ve woken up and you’re asking, oh, something just isn’t quite right, you know, I need to change something. The women that I work with have been unconsciously treating that question with the confusion of two particular questions. Right, so there’s been two completely different questions being asked as if they were one question. The first question is, okay, if I need to change, gosh, should I explore what else might be possible for me? Maybe a different role might make me happy, or maybe it’s a different company, but doing the same thing, because the work culture where I am isn’t great, or my boss isn’t great, or maybe I should do something else entirely. What’s that starting a business thing look like? Or maybe I become a day trader, or how about working for a charity or an NGO, so that I feel like I’ve got some meaning and purpose in my life, and they think that’s the question they’re asking. Should I explore what else might be possible for me? But what your body, mind, and your nervous system is actually asking is, should I blow up my career and start over? So it sounds like a question of, like, huh, should I explore my options right in the rational mind, but actually, what’s going on in the body is, should I blow up my career and start over, and they are not the same question, but when you’ve spent, you know, a decade, 15 years plus, building something real where the stakes are really high and your identity is very tightly held with what it is that you do, these two questions collapse into one, and so every time curiosity surfaces, every time that whisper of maybe something needs to change, whenever that whisper gets a little louder, that safety-seeking part shuts it down before it can go anywhere, because in your logic, asking the first question is the second question, asking should I explore what else might be possible for me? Is actually, should I blow up my career and start over? And opening the door at all, even entertaining that potential possibility, even just one bit, means committed to walking through it. And so the loop continues, not because you’re stuck, but because you’ve been trying to explore and decide simultaneously at the same time, and that’s genuinely an impossible task. You can’t explore something and decide in the same moment they’re two different things, they’re two different seasons, they’re two different skill sets, and mixing them together before you even let yourself look properly is exactly what keeps the 2am conversations running. You’re allowed to be curious without that curiosity committing you to anything, right? You might be able to say, “Oh, actually, what else could I change? and let yourself go there, and it doesn’t mean that you have to do something and actually change. In fact, ironically, with some of my clients, they come thinking they need to make a drastic change, and actually, when we’ve done the deeper work, we realize that where they are is fine. It’s just something that needs to be tweaked, and then they’re okay. I remember working with one client who had young children, she’s working in finance, and she was like, “Oh my gosh, I have to quit my job. I just don’t get to see my kids, and I’m always working, and I’m really busy. And when we dug into the heart of it, we realized her work actually did give her some flexibility. If she wanted to be at her kids’ sports day, she could do it. If she wanted to drop them off or pick them up early, she had the scope. What was really underneath it all was a challenging boss that she was on edge around and didn’t enjoy when the outbursts would happen. And so, what did she do? She realized she could see her boss in a completely different light. She brought humor to the relationship, and suddenly it wasn’t a big deal. The outbursts weren’t personal, and she was able to realize that she actually enjoyed her job and could be there for her kids, and suddenly the world was fine. So I share that example, because that one I really took from that client, that actually we think we need to make a major change, sometimes when actually, sometimes it’s not even that at all. So you’re allowed to ask the question of should something change before you know the answer, and in fact that’s the only way that the answer ever comes. So here’s what I want to go into a little deeper, because I think it’s the part that doesn’t get named enough for a lot of women that I. Work with the reason that they can’t even give themselves permission to look before they get into any of the strategy or the planning or what comes next. It’s something quieter and more uncomfortable than fear, and that is shame. Specifically, it’s the feeling that wanting something different is a verdict on the choice that they made. I chose this. I chose to be a lawyer. I chose to be an accountant. I chose to be a banker. I worked incredibly hard for this, and if I admit that I want to do something else, it feels like saying all of that was a mistake, and I have to throw all of my experience away and start from scratch again. And I get it, I really do. When you’ve poured years into building something, when the career has been the structure, the identity, the proof of who you are. Wanting to move away from it can feel like a betrayal of yourself, like you’re admitting something you don’t want to be true. But I want to offer a different frame. Wanting something different isn’t a verdict on the past, it’s just information about the present. You made the best decision available to you at the time in a world that looked different. Think about when you started your career to now, even if you’re a fresh grad listening to this, you know the world of work, the future of work. My goodness, it has changed so much, even in the last three years. And so, of course, you made a choice back then that was in alignment with what the world was like then, and the world has changed, and you know now you’re becoming a version of yourself that is evolving and changing, and that’s a good thing. And that past decision that you made has built something real, the expertise, the credibility, the income, the ability to navigate complexity under pressure, the judgment that you have. Nobody can take that away from you, and none of that disappears because you’re ready for a different chapter. When you think about a change, it’s not about undoing what you’ve built, it’s about what you build next, and taking everything that’s already yours with you when you go. The 2am conversations around, oh my god, this isn’t it, maybe something needs to change. They’re not happening because you made the wrong choice, they’re happening because you’re ready for the next one sounds similar, but they’re actually very different. So, what comes next? Well, the invitation to give yourself permission to look and really scratch under the surface what’s underneath this desire to change. What does it actually look like to give yourself permission to explore without treating it like a commitment that you’re not ready to make. I want to be honest here, because I think the way this gets talked about sometimes can make it sound easier than it is. Giving yourself your permission to look doesn’t mean you’ll immediately know what you’re looking for. Most women in this position don’t have a clear alternative waiting in the wings, they just have a feeling that something needs to change, and a whole set of filters that have been quietly narrowing what they let themselves imagine, what’s realistic, what they’re already qualified for, what the system would recognize as a legitimate next step based on their past experience, and what they’re allowed to want at this stage of their career with the responsibilities they have at this age, when you take those filters off, even temporarily, even just to see what surfaces things start to appear that you stopped expecting to find, and that’s not recklessness, that’s the beginning of clarity. And here’s what I also want to say, especially for the women who are listening and watching what’s happening with AI and wondering what it means for them. You don’t have to be in a full identity crisis to make this relevant to you. Some of the women I work with aren’t necessarily yearning for something different, they’re just paying attention. They can see that the landscape is changing, they can feel the ground shifting in their industry, and they want to make sure that they’re not caught off guard. They want to understand what they’re actually building for what skills matter now, what they’re sitting on that AI can’t replicate, what their options actually look like, and that’s not a dramatic pivot, that’s a strategic woman doing what strategic women do, thinking ahead, not just reacting, and either way, whether it’s your heart pulling you into a different direction or your intellect sounding the alarm because of AI and all these organizational restructures. The entry point is the same. You have to let yourself look before the pressure, before the crisis, when you still have ground underneath you, and that’s really what I take a stand for, like making bold moves from solid ground. So those 2am conversations around change or needing to shift something, they don’t stop on their own. I’ve never actually met a woman who thought her way out of this loop without actually doing something differently. The truth is, the world of work isn’t going to slow down while you figure this out. The landscape is changing, and the women who are navigating it well aren’t braver than you. They just gave themselves permission to start asking a different question a little earlier, so if this has resonated with you, if you’ve been in that loop and you’re ready to do something practical with it, as I said before, I’ve built something for you. It’s a free two week email series called What the future of work means for your career, especially if you suspect your current part. Has an expiry date. We start on Monday, the 26th of May, and every two days a new lesson will be delivered straight to your inbox, practical, specific, designed to give you real clarity on your next move, without requiring you to make a drastic decision before you’re ready. I put this free course together not as a motivation course or a theory course, it’s the beginning of a real path forward, and each lesson comes with something you can actually use, and some juicy free resources that I’ve chucked in there, so that you can actually do something, because I want you to do something with this information and make it relevant to you and your life. The link to sign up, as I said before, is in the show notes over at Siobhan barnes.com forward slash 149 and I would love for you to come and join us. I’d love to have you there. It’s delivered to your inbox, so no one knows you need to have signed up for this. You don’t have to publicly announce this on LinkedIn or tell your friends you’re doing it. This is the quiet work you can do behind the scenes to get yourself future ready, and think about where you’re going next. If any of this conversation brought something up for you that you want to take further, and if you’re at a point you want to do this properly, then, of course, there’s also Pivot Pathfinders, which is my signature program to support you with navigating your pivot. And come on over again to the show notes over at Siobhan barnes.com forward slash 149 for that information too. Thanks so much for being here, and please remember you are here for a reason beyond merely hustling, grinding, and merely surviving. You matter,

you.