Siobhan, hello and welcome to the aligned achiever podcast. I’m your host, Siobhan Barnes, and really excited to be back talking to you this week. If you are a regular listener, you might have noticed that I went a little bit quiet for a while, and it relates to today’s topic, which is, you look successful, but you feel trapped. And here’s what’s actually happening inside. So if you’re listening to this, and from the outside, your life looks like it’s working. You’ve got the great title, you’ve got the income and the stability, but on the inside, you’re feeling restless, trapped and maybe even a little bit resentful than this episode is for you, I want to talk about what’s actually happening beneath that feeling, because it’s not what you think. I’m also going to give you a little bit of an update on where I’ve been for the past month, because it’s directly connected to what I want to talk about today. So just to touch on that, I haven’t recorded a podcast in a month, not because I’ve run out of things to say, quite the opposite, actually, but because I’ve been deep inside of my own process. So you might have heard that I have been training another coaching certification, this time in body, mind maturation, coaching with Nikki clinch, and it’s really about working with the root of not just our careers and what we do in life and all of that stuff. It’s really going back to the root of how we create our own reality, and how we find ourselves repeating patterns, relationship dynamics and situations, no matter where we go. Because no matter where we go, we bring ourselves with us, right? And as you know, if you’ve been listening to the podcast for some time, I’ve really been devoted as a coach to learn the best tools to support my clients. And that journey has taken me from, you know, traditional coaching, to learning about neuroscience to learning about hypnosis and working with the subconscious to working in the field of embodiment, where I was a master Coach and Trainer at the School of embodied art. Shout out to Jenna Ward and you know, energetics as well, where I did a certification there. And I’m really passionate about getting to the root cause of why we as women get stuck and what stops us from really creating the life that we want to live and to do the work that we feel called to deliver and to share with the world and to create the impact and the ripple effect that we want to see. And the truth is, I kept seeing the same pattern with clients, smart, capable women who knew they needed to change had done all the mindset work, could articulate exactly what they wanted, but still couldn’t move. And I needed to understand what was happening below the thinking in the body, in the nervous system, all bringing all of those parts together in parts of us that no amount of strategy can reach. And so this bringing this back to why I’ve been quiet is I’ve been deep in this body, mind maturation coaching, and I’m about to go, at the time of this recording, into a second, lot of intensives for this coaching, arguably the third, because we had an initial one to begin with before coming in. But wow, it has blown my mind, and I have seen so much of how I create certain patterns of behavior in my own life. And the truth is, our bodies hold patterns that were formed long before our careers, and those patterns run the show, especially when the stakes are high. And so for me, I’ve taken myself a little bit offline just to be able to be with everything that has surfaced. And so if you’re an avid listener and you’ve been wondering where I’ve gone, thank you for your patience. I’m back, and all of this body mind maturation coaching is very much informing the work that I do, but really brings me to what I actually want to talk about today, because if you’re feeling trapped in a career that looks good but doesn’t feel right. What I’m about to share might change how you understand this stuckness, right? So you This is for you. If you feel like you are busy, maybe you’re someone who thinks about your kids in the morning. You need to make sure they get to the you know, school drop off on time. You’re trying to get to work on time for that call. You might have that Sunday night dread where you’re just like, my gosh, another week of Back to Back meetings and more of the same. And maybe you’re scrolling LinkedIn and seeing women who seem to have figured it out, and you think, okay, I don’t think I can be doing this for two years. And you remember, Oh, actually, I said that two years ago, and you just don’t know what to do about it. The conundrum is, from the outside, you probably look really successful, but on the inside you feel trapped, and the loneliest part is you can’t really talk about it, because who complains about a good salary and a stable job like you sound ungrateful, privileged, and so what do you do? You keep quiet and you keep performing and hope that you know something is going to change, and maybe you’ll have a different perspective in the morning. But here’s what I want you to know, that gap between how it looks and how it feels is not you being dramatic, it’s data. It’s your whole system trying to tell you something, and today I want to help you understand what it’s actually saying. So when I work with women in this space, I see the same pattern showing up again and again, not just surface level career confusion, it really is something deeper, a set of beliefs and body level responses that keep you locked in place when your mind knows it’s time to move, or, I should say, your heart knows it’s time to move. And that’s layer one, right? The mismatch is real. You know, the career that worked for you five or 10 years ago doesn’t fit you now, not because the job necessarily changed, though, of course, it is changing. Let’s not deny that that’s happening with AI and restructures and the global economy and all that comes with it. But really, you changed, right? You’ve evolved. You’ve matured. And you know that work container hasn’t evolved with you. And you know with the future of work disruption, AI, restructuring, identity shifts and industry shifts. It’s it’s not that that’s really creating this feeling. Rather, it’s exposing it, and it’s making it impossible to keep ignoring and that restlessness that you feel. It’s not actually anxiety, okay, maybe on the surface, it’s anxiety, but what’s under that is misalignment, and your body knows it before your mind is willing to admit it. Okay, the second layer that’s happening is your identity has fused with your career, and this is a big one. So somewhere along the way, who you are became inseparable from what you do. You got good at something the world rewarded you for what you’re good at, and you built your entire sense of self around it. I know for me, when I left my corporate real estate, commercial real estate job, and I was working at JLL and Goldman Sachs, and suddenly I wasn’t working there anymore, I was like, Oh my gosh, who am I without that? And you know, I was pregnant, I was about to change my name to be married, there really was this identity crisis of who am I. And you know, when you’re thinking of changing directions in your career or making a pivot, even if you don’t know what it is, it doesn’t just feel like a career decision underneath it. It really feels like the death of the identity of who you know yourself to be, and your body mind treats it that way, right, with that same protective responses it would for actual danger, because it’s a threat. You fear rejection. You fear being cast out from the community. And this is why you can’t just figure it out, right? And you can’t just hope that this will go away. This is running you underneath the surface your nervous system, whether you’re conscious of it or not. You do yoga or breath work. It’s running a protection program that’s stronger than your desire for change, because at the moment, it’s like, oh, I don’t know. Maybe things will change. It’s good enough. I should just tolerate this. And as women, we’re freaking good at tolerating and so you do nothing. So that’s really what’s what’s happening here. The mismatch is real, like that is actually happening, but your identity has fused with your career, and to make any changes feels like a huge threat to who you know yourself to be and who your mind knows you to be. And of course, it doesn’t want to mess with that, because that is danger. So then if we take it another layer deeper, the beliefs that keep this trap really locked is that you probably think thoughts like, I’ve worked too hard to throw this career path away, and there’s that sunk cost belief, right? Your body holds the memory of every sacrifice, every late night call, every test you’ve studied, for every client you’ve relationship, You’ve nurtured, every relationship You’ve nurtured within your organization, and letting go of that feels like betrayal of the woman who worked that hard. And there’s that sunk cost fallacy. The other thought you might have is, I need to know what what’s next before I can move. And that’s kind of the clarity myth, like you’re waiting for certainty that it’s never going to come, but your nervous system won’t let you move without it, because moving into the unknown feels genuinely unsafe. Maybe you have this thought of, I can’t afford to get it wrong. And there’s the financial. Fear, which is very real and very valid, but also being used by your system as the ultimate reason to stay frozen. Right? The golden handcuffs, I see it time and time again, keep women stuck. And then, you know, we get to that place of like, oh, maybe I should just be grateful. And that’s really the permission piece. And this one really lives very deep. It sounds like maturity like, Oh, I’m just going to be grateful and it’s good enough. And, yeah, I’m just going to suck it up. But that’s actually self abandonment. Your body learned long ago that wanting more is dangerous. So what body mind maturation and this coaching that I’m doing has really taught me about this is that these aren’t just thoughts that we have. They’re embodied patterns that live in your chest, your jaw, your gut, and they were formed before this career even started. And the truth is, you can’t think your way out of a pattern that lives in your body. You can’t out strategize this. And you know, this is what I’m starting to see in my training. It’s really bringing together all of the different modalities that I’ve studied. But through this, it’s called ontological lens of understanding consciousness and also looking at how this really works from a core, deep level of identity and everything. It’s what most career coaching misses entirely. And this has always been the part that I found really hard to explain what I do, because I feel very passionate about women figuring out their professions and, you know, earning good money, doing work that they love so that they can really create the life that they want. And I have to tell you the honest truth, the real work doesn’t lie in the strategy and you know, tweaking your CV and what you post on LinkedIn, those things are important. What matters more is who you believe yourself to be and what you think is possible for you and when your body feels safe enough to release the old identity that comes with all the baggage and the beliefs and the lived experience of what’s possible and what’s not, then movement becomes possible, not before. And that’s why this work that I’m doing in this coaching is so powerful. And really, that’s really what my work is about. It’s about making bold moves, but from solid ground. And the ground isn’t your external circumstances. It’s your internal Foundation, your nervous system, your sense of self beyond the title. So I’ve spoken a lot, so I just want to take a moment to check in with like, what does this mean for you? So if you’re hearing this, if you’re the woman who looks successful but feels trapped, I want you to know three things and to take three things away from today. Number one, you’re not broken. You’re in like a developmental threshold, right? You’re evolving. And this is what growth feels like when your system is trying to keep you in the old shape. So this feeling, this restlessness, it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong. It’s misalignment, and you are not broken. Second thing I want you to know, you’re not confused about what to do and not sure where to go and not not like, unable to deal with what AI is going to do and how it’s going to disrupt your world. You’re simply untested. Right? The clarity you’re waiting for doesn’t come from thinking harder. It comes from moving differently, and there’s a different way that you can move more on that later. The third thing I want you to know is you don’t have to choose between security and change. That’s a false binary that you know your nervous system presents to keep you still. There’s a third path, and that’s bold, moves from solid ground where you can be anchored in the fact that you have the ability, the coping skills, to deal with change, to be resilient, to adapt, to evolve, because you are a smart, intelligent woman and have these abilities and these skills. So that’s what I really want you to know. So if you’re feeling like you’re stuck. This goes very deep. It’s not just about changing your career on the outside and hoping to feel better on the inside. It actually all starts from within. So a couple of things I want you to know. Number one, I am as part of my body, mind maturation, coaching, doing some practice coaching sessions. And if you’re on my email list, you’ll already received an email to see if you would like to be part of this practice coaching. This is all about Free Practice coaching sessions. I only have a limited number of spots. Three of the five spots have already been taken. But if you’re listening to this, and you’re like, Oh, what is this? Body, Mind maturation coaching, and you’d like to give it a taster. It’s honestly completely free. The only caveat is that I need to record the session and be able to share that with the school and for you to give me feedback and signed feedback, so that my school knows that I’ve done my hours. So. If that’s something you’re interested in, please come on over to the show notes. And would love to see if we’re the right fit. And would love to give you a taster of what this body mind maturation coaching is like, and you can learn more about that. Also want to let you know that I will be putting together a little something for you, exactly for women in this position, and just just keep an eye out for it. So come and have a look on over at the show notes, over at Siobhan Barnes, Comm, forward slash, 148, firstly, to get the link to the body, mind, maturation, coaching application, but also to be kept up to date on the free resource that I’m putting together, because I really want to support you around being able to know how to figure out how to get unstuck. So this free resource is going to talk about what the future of work means for your career, especially if you suspect your current path has an expiry date, and I’m going to walk you through some of the things you can do right now to get ahead of it. So if that’s of interest, get your name on the wait list. Would love to support you around that again, another free resource that I’m creating. So thank you so much for tuning in. I want to leave this episode letting you know that you know the feeling you have right now. You’re not ungrateful. You’re not being dramatic. It’s not confusion. It’s really an invitation, a doorway for your next evolution. And the question is, are you ready to let yourself move towards it? Thank you so much for tuning in, and please remember you are here for a reason beyond merely hustling, grinding and merely surviving, you matter you.