Finding Clarity

The simple key choice you need to make if you want to honour your heart’s desire — before you hit breaking point.

March 30, 2021

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This month has personally been a nostalgic one… 


10 years ago in March, my husband and I got married. 


To celebrate 10 years of marriage, we booked a staycation (bliss!) 


I happened to wake early in the morning and felt a strong compulsion to go for a run on the same trail that was my go-to trail back in 2011.


Still dark outside, I wandered up the elevated walkway system that makes up Central (the CBD in Hong Kong) and wandered up the escalators, through Soho and across to Bowen Road. Which is a stunning flat path with sweeping views of the Hong Kong skyline — and still takes my breath away every time. 


Especially this time as I hadn’t run this path for 10 years! 

As I ran on the old familiar path, I couldn’t help but reminisce on life all those years ago….


…Still working in corporate, living in our tiny flat in Soho, which was a 10 minute walk to work. I was a hardworking professional with a great career promising future ahead – yet I was stressed up to my eyeballs, riddled with self-doubt, anxiety and a deep unshakeable feeling of disconnection to my heart. 


As women we can be pretty good at keeping up appearances. We can look like we’ve got things together. We can tell ourselves that we’re grateful for what we have and tolerate that our life is “good enough.” 

Siobhan Barnes1

Our threshold for tolerating “good enough” is what keeps us ignoring that inner voice inside. That voice that whispers in our hearts quietly on a Sunday night and says…


“Is this really what you wanted?”

“Surely there’s more to life than this grind?”

“What happened to you?”


The truth is there’s nothing wrong with being grateful. It’s important and valid. The problem comes when you ignore your heart and soul that’s trying to tell you something is “off” and has to change. 


If you keep squashing down that inner whisper that’s questioning your choices and curious about something else or something more — it will eventually become a problem. 


I’ve seen this manifest in different ways….


From feeling sick (even though the doctor says there’s nothing wrong with you), chronic fatigue, an unexpected loss (job, partner, home) etc. 


So what’s the first step to doing something different?


It all starts with making a choice…and it’s not as a choice that requires doing anything drastic like quitting your job. 

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Let’s dive into the simple key choice you need to make if you want to honour your heart’s desire for something else before you hit breaking point.



Firstly if you’re reading this, then I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling that inner ache. 


It’s a hard place to be in and it can be really hard. 


In my work I see women who are on various degrees of what I call the “toleration” scale.


Most people have an inner knowing that they’re tolerating — and they’re either scared and in denial about having to do anything about it OR they know they can’t go on like this any longer. 


Wherever you sit on that spectrum, you’re in the right place. 


The first step to moving through this is to simply make a key choice that you are going to honour your heart’s desire for something else — BEFORE you hit breaking point. 


The choice is really centered around this key question:


Are you available to live life like this? And continue on the same trajectory? This includes work, relationships (romantic and otherwise), health, where you live etc….


If the answer to the above is YES….


Then you can make the choice to refocus your energy and thoughts on making your work and life, work for you. 


Decision made, energy free’d up — good to go. 


If the answer is NO…..


Then the follow up question is:


Are you willing to explore what needs to change?


You don’t HAVE to make a change but are you willing to get honest and acknowledge that you want something different?


This step may seem trivial and meaningless but it’s really important.


This is about making a choice to honour that inner voice rather than ignore and square it down. 


Let’s be honest and real about why answering this question is so hard…because it really IS hard.


Once you honour your heart and admit that you’re not going to tolerate things can bring up a lot of stuff. 


Fear. Uncertainty. Anxiety. 


A feeling of “oh my goodness, if I admit this, then am I opening up Pandora’s box?!”


This is normal. This is OK. 


You are not alone. 



Siobhan Barnes

Remember you don’t have to actually do anything about this right now. You just need to make a choice and decide if this is something you are willing to explore and honour — or not. 


If you don’t make a decision that’s when you stay in limbo land, feel like your energy is leaking and that you’re being pulled in a million different directions. Which in and of itself is exhausting.


So, beautiful one. 


After reading this, where do you sit? What’s the answer to this Q:


Are you available to live your life on its current trajectory? 


I fully appreciate it’s not a fun or easy question to answer, but the choice is yours. 


Now before you go I really want to hear from you….


  • What’s your biggest challenge to answering this question?
  • What feelings bubble up for you as answer?


Let me know in the comments below. 


With love,




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