Every time I’ve wanted to devote further into my career and business…I’ve felt a quiet voice in the back of my head…
“You’re already so lucky, Siobhan. Why do you keep going for more? Some people out there are barely surviving….”
Once I hear THAT voice, my heart’s desire to create MORE offerings and programs that light me up – they get zapped.
In an instant, I feel my body contract and steep into that all-too-familiar feeling of shame for wanting to play bigger because others have less. Cue the indecision and procrastination on what I “should” do next.
This subtle, yet all pervasive pattern of ping ponging between our hearts desires and the mind that’s conditioned to have us play within a well defined box, isn’t just something I deal with.
The Perfect Woman Imperative touches all of us. She says we can only have “so” much and that we’re to focus on others first, ourselves second.
The notion of not going for more because others have less can seem noble and honourable.
But is it really true?
F*ck no.
Of course it’s not.
If you’re feeling selfish for craving more meaning when others are barely surviving, read on you’re in the right place!
What to do if you feel selfish for craving more meaning when others are barely surviving
Here are 3 core truths I want you to know and remember about going for more.
An important caveat on what I mean about “more”….
When I’m talking about “more”. I’m talking about upleveling and stretching into your next level of growth.
More “stuff”, more “consumerism” that’s a whole other topic that I won’t cover here.
OK, onwards!
Truth #1: As humans we’re hardwired for growth and contribution
This is who we inherently are. We are literally growing, evolving and adapting since the day we are born.
Within our cells are the codes that know how to take us from baby to toddler to child to adolescent to adult.
There is no conscious efforting required on our part – it just IS.
If you’re desiring to step into greater meaning aka growth and contribution – this is normal and as natural as it is for you to desire oxygen to breathe.
Just because you want to grow, contribute and deepen into meaning doesn’t mean you’re hurting anyone else….
Truth #2: That tendency to diminish, squelch and minimise your desires isn’t yours to keep
The Perfect Woman Imperative is a subconscious narrative that encourages women to morph and mould into what is deemed a “good” and “acceptable” model of what it means to be a woman.
This narrative has us second guessing and doubting our desires and our choices – measuring up to the impossible standards of the Perfect Woman Imperative – aka the “should’s”.
Going back to my earlier example of desiring to deepen into my work….
The should’s that arise for me include:
- You should want to spend more time with your kids not deepening into your work
- You should know more than you do
- You should figure out how do this project in a way that doesn’t take time away from your family
The Perfect Woman Imperative narrative behind the “should’s”…
- Your priority should be your kids not your work
- You need to be smart
- If you want to do this project, do it on your own time because your family needs you
In a nutshell: If you’re squelching, diminishing or minimising your own desires in all the roles you play, this tendency isn’t yours, it’s learned.
When you recognise it for what it is, then you can choose not to let it stop you.
Though I’m not going to lie, it can be bloomin’ sneaky sometimes!
Truth #3: You going for more doesn’t take from someone else
What if going for more was a good thing?
What if it inspired someone else to claim what they really wanted?
What if that “thing” you wanted to go for made a contribution to someone else who was just barely surviving?
What if you trusted and had faith that your more is OK and that it might just help someone else see that they too, can have more.
I’m going to quote Marianne Williamson here who says it best in her passage from her book: A Return To Love….
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
That “more” that you sense….that’s your light shining, beautiful soul.
Let it take you where it’s meant to take you.
There you have it, 3 truths to remember when you’re feeling selfish for craving more meaning when others are barely surviving.
Truth #1: As humans we’re hardwired for growth and contribution
Truth #2: That tendency to diminish, squelch and minimize your desires isn’t yours to keep
Truth #3: You going for more doesn’t take from someone else
Before you go I’d love to know:
- Are you dealing with a situation where you’re desiring more and yet you’re also pulling back?
- Which truth is most relevant to you and your unique situation?
Leave a comment and let me know. I’d love to hear more!
With warmth,
Siobhan
P.S. Things are in full swing with Sabbatical on the Side. An online experience designed to support you in having the space and time to answer the Q: am I really on the right track?
I’m doing the experience right along with you all as I really want to hit the reset button and find the space and time to hear my real self, what she wants and connect into a fresh energy for closing out 2020 and envisioning 2021.
If you haven’t already joined us, make sure you register your seat over here: https://siobhanbarnes.com/sabbatical-on-the-side. It’s a completely free experience and you’re still so welcome to join in on the fun!
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