Finding Clarity

5 things I know for sure after coaching 40+ women in 2020.

December 8, 2020

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Around this time of year I like to do a personal review of the past year to look at my lessons learned and things to celebrate. 


I also like to vision forward into what I desire to create, experience and explore in the year to come.


This year feels different to previous years.


It feels different in that reviewing the past year + visioning forward ISN’T just about…


  • Milestones + achievements
  • What did + didn’t get done
  • Making rigid plans for the future
  • Going big because it’s a given


Going forward, I believe creating our Soul Aligned Life + Careers is about:


  • Getting clear on what we want to create, experience and explore
  • Reflecting on what REALLY matters to us and fiercely protecting my time to reflect these priorities
  • Choosing to focus on what we CAN control within the uncertain times that we’re living in
  • Paying more attention to the foundations and structures that bring us a sense of safety and certainty 


I believe this is the way forward because…


I’ve had the pleasure to personally coach 40+ women this year (I tallied up the maths during my review and was blown away!)  


In my reflections of the past year, I’ve been pondering the challenges, dilemmas and also the desires that us women, as a collective, have been facing in 2020. 


I realise that the ability to hear what’s REALLY going on for women across different cultures and continents is a real privilege and today, over on the blog, I want to share with you my top lessons learned and what I know for sure. 


This is important stuff because I want you to know that your anger, frustration and stress is so normal AND that you are not alone in battling that inner voice that may be calling you to something else, something different or something more. 


In fact, I’m so passionate about what I’ve learned and what I know for sure that I’ve put together a free training that I’m running live tomorrow called….


“The 3 Core Lies Women Tell Themselves to Fake Fulfilment.”

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Let’s dive into the 5 things I know for sure after coaching 40+ women in 2020.


Truth #1: As women we are all craving greater depth, meaning and change


In my coaching sessions, my clients have brought up many different areas for exploration. 


At the heart of it all though has been a desire to:


  • Go deeper into who they really are
  • Do things that are meaningful in their lives 
  • On some level to create change


These desires serve two purposes. 


One being personal fulfillment and exploration. We ALL have a need for growth. 


The other being service to the greater collective. We ALL desire to make  contributions in some meaningful way to the world. 


This truth is something that the women I’ve coached are naturally and inherently plugged into.



Truth #2: Women have been the bearers of huge invisible labour that isn’t appreciated or valued by society


This one may seem obvious and as women we get it. 


But this is huge and I want to call it out in bold neon letters so that you know that you’ve been carrying A LOT this year.


During COVID women have been the ones to deal with all the extras. Holding on to all those little details that most would forget.


From homeschooling to making sure our families are well taken care of.  Not just physically (where can I buy toilet paper? That stress was real!) but emotionally and mentally too. 


This extends into the additional load of making sure your work team is doing OK and getting creative to make sure communication is still working and people are getting the connection they need over our new virtual workspaces. 


The cognitive load is real. 

2020 has brought to light the patriarchal assumption (in most cases, not all) that women are to deal with the “home stuff” on top of all the other stuff they have going on. 


As a result of this, women have put their own dreams and desires to one side. Put a lid on that yearning or calling because they just don’t have the capacity. 


Lesson learned: Your desires and dreams matter. Now is the time to question and challenge whether you’re taking on an undue load and to speak up and get creative on how you can do all the adulting things we need to do AND honour you too.

Siobhan Barnes Life Coach (2)


Truth #3: Women have so much innate wisdom and knowing inside, it’s just buried under the “should’s” and our old operating systems of the past.


This year I brought back Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) into my client work.  I could see that even after clients were getting clarity on their own inner wisdom and knowing, they were getting stuck when taking action because of the old operating systems of the past. 


I call this operating system the Perfect Woman Imperative and she runs deep in our collective unconscious. If you want to hear more about this, check out the live training I’m running called “The 3 Core Lies Women Tell Themselves to Fake Fulfilment.”


We go live on Tuesday 8th December at 4pm Los Angeles, 7pm New York time which is Wednesday 9th December at 8am Hong Kong, 11am Sydney and 1pm Auckland time.


You can register your free seat over here:


But I digress. What I want you to know is that you do have all the answers. 


You may think you don’t know what you want, or where to go next but the truth is you do. It’s just buried under the “should’s” and the old operating systems of the past. Once you know this you can look out for when it plays out for you. I’ll be giving you all the pointers in the free training so make sure you register if you want to dive deeper into this! 


Lesson learned: You are wiser than you give yourself credit for. The answers are all there. It’s just a question of dropping the “should’s” and challenging the operating system that’s running your life and career (aka your subconscious) 



Truth #4: A woman’s connection to her pleasure is her source of power


Oh this is a juicy one! I’ve had so much fun this year weaving in pleasure into my coaching with clients because pleasure is always available.


In 2020 we’ve been focused a lot on the pain, frustration, anxiety, grief. You name it. But that’s only half the equation. We are so much more than our dark, we are also our light. 


When we can access and meet our pain and our pleasure, that is when we inhabit ourselves more fully. And that is powerful AF!


In Your Soul Aligned Career I dive deeper into your life and soul purpose. 


To share a quick excerpt here, part of your life purpose is to enjoy and savour the sweet pleasures of life. 

Siobhan Barnes Life Coach hongkong

It’s so simple and yet we often forget about this. 


I’ve seen women reclaim pockets of their pleasure which has allowed them to access greater radiance and aliveness in their bodies. From this space this has fuelled their desires for meaningful work, greater depth and to make a difference in some way. 

It’s a totally different fuel behind “to-do’s” and the energy that people feel on the receiving end is totally different. 


As I write this, I’m in my pleasure by…


….savouring the flowers that are by my desk, enjoying the sweet melodic tunes that are in the background and occasionally sipping the hot cup of peppermint tea that is steaming beside me. 


This pleasure is fueling my creativity and inspiration to no end and feels so damn good as I write! 


Lesson learned: Your pleasure isn’t frivolous, it’s a source of fuel and a portal into your inherent power as a woman. Making time to consciously allow in greater pleasure is a skill and a worthwhile one to practice 🙂



Truth #5: Women are phenomenal


In a nutshell I deeply know this to be true. Each and every woman I have coached this year has been such a delight to support and witness. 


Each time I work with a client I revel in the beauty in front of me. When I say beauty I’m not referring to the physical. I’m referring to the energy and soul of the person in front of me. 


It is SUCH a gift to witness. 


As women we don’t always see our light. 


When we look in the mirror we may notice more wrinkles, grey hairs and a dull expression….but I see your spark, a beautiful one. I see your light. 


You are magnificent. You are phenomenal. You are stunning just as you are. 


Lesson learned: Your light, your essence, your beauty is always there and extends beyond so much more than your physical. Your energy is what we feel. Even if you don’t feel connected to the fact that you are phenomenal, it’s there inside of you. 


That’s a wrap!

Siobhan Barnes - Hong Kong Life Coach Career Coach Chinese Tea 2


Thank you for tuning in and reading the 5 truths I know for sure after coaching 40+ women in 2020. 


If you want to go deeper into all of this, please check out the live training I’m running called “The 3 Core Lies Women Tell Themselves to Fake Fulfilment.”


We go live on Tuesday 8th December at 4pm Los Angeles, 7pm New York time which is Wednesday 9th December at 8am Hong Kong, 11am Sydney and 1pm Auckland time.


You can register your free seat over here:


See you there!


With love,



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