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I’m Siobhan. That’s pronounced Shiv-On. Which rhymes with Yvonne. My friends call me Shiv, and you can do the same. I’m a mother, lover, writer and a soulful executive coach. I help women figure out why you’re here, what you’re here to do, and get to work doing it, so that you can live your life in full colour without the hustle, grind and merely surviving.

Hello!

Should you just be grateful for the career you’ve got?

Untangling From Fear Uncertainty + Doubt

August 25, 2020

‘I’m grateful for my job….” she whispered. Her voice trailing off….

 

Anne* was saying the words she believed to be true. But her body was hunched over, small, her eyes looking down. 

 

**Anne isn’t really the name of my client, I’ve changed it out for her privacy)

 

“It’s wonderful that you’re grateful”  I replied…“What are you grateful for?”

 

She proceeded to share her gratitude list...

 

  • Having a stable job that more than paid her bills and allowed her to build a nest egg for the future
  • A career trajectory that was clear and there for the taking
  • Some (ahem!) colleagues she really enjoyed collaborating with 
  • Being competent and good at what she was doing
  • etc. 

 

The whole time she was speaking to me, her head hung low...and she spoke softly.

 

She was saying all the things she was telling herself in her mind. Convincing herself that this was her truth.

 

Yet, clear as day, her body was expressing a completely different story….

 

As the session unravelled….her mind caught up to her body. At the end of the session her heart and her body had concluded in no uncertain terms her REAL truth:

 

“This is not what you want. You’re on the wrong path. Even though things are good where you are, you’re meant to do something else. There’s more to life than this.”

As she came to this realisation and spoke HER truth, her body softened, her back straightened, her voice grew stronger and she had a small, quiet smile on her face.

 

On the inside I was doing an (imaginary) backflip, feeling excited that she made contact with her truth, her strength, her courage.  But then in a flash, her mind jumped back in with all the reasons she should be grateful and the cycle began again….

 

As a coach I see this pattern unravelling time and time again. And truth be told I’ve done this myself, countless times! It happens without us consciously realising.

Siobhan-Barnes-Hong-Kong-Life-Coach-Career-Coach-Hong-Kong

Many women stay stuck in this ping-pong between head and heart. 

 

Whilst on the surface, being grateful can seem like a good thing...

 

Sometimes seeing things with rose tinted glasses ISN'T serving you.

 

Sometimes the gratitude that’s really required is the gratitude that you’re seeing your current situation as an opportunity to step into YOUR truth, YOUR desire and that you’re no longer willing to put up with the status quo - the good enough - and the near enough. 

 

The status quo is dangerous.

 

Yet it feels sure. It feels certain. It feels safe.

 

It feels like a less risky bet compared to listening to your heart, your intuition, your body that may be calling you to something else or something more

 

Can you relate? 

 

If you’re feeling the call to something else or something more but your mind is telling you just to be grateful because you’re already so lucky to have the career you’ve got, then this week’s blog post is for you...

 

Let’s dive in!

Siobhan Barnes Blog Template (1)

Should you just be grateful for the career you’ve got?

 

There are a few things that I’m covering in this blog post, so grab yourself a cuppa, maybe even a notebook and a pen and let’s dive in…..

 


 

Part 1: The #1 thing to address to answer the question “Should I just be grateful for the career I’ve got?”

 

Whenever I work with my clients, I see the same thing come up time and time again….

 

Sneaky habits, sneaky thoughts, sneaky beliefs that have us self-sabotage what we really want and being who we really are in the world. 

 

Working with women across different cultures and backgrounds, I’ve named the “thing” that I see: The Perfect Woman Imperative. 

 

What is it?

 

It’s a ridiculous ideal that we’re subconsciously taught from a young age.

 

The Perfect Woman Imperative is the black and white box that encourages women to:

 

…...perform an outrageously impossible role doing all the things for all the people. 

 

…...diminish our own inner callings, desires and contributions. 

 

…..factor in other people’s needs and desires for our lives in front of our own.

 

…...dim, squelch, doubt, morph, shape-shift and bend over backwards into acceptable ways of being.

 

…...balance how to show up so that we’re not “too much” or “too little” of anything. 

 

It’s the imperative that says that we need to be: 

 

  • Nurturing patient mothers
  • Loving and loyal wives
  • Always-available friends
  • Respectful daughters
  • Supportive siblings
  • Successful independent women
  • Yoga toned, healthy lithe and strong bodied -- preferably a size 2 even after having babies
  • Active in the community, initiatives, projects and boards
  • Etc...

 

In a nutshell: “PERFECT” across ALL the areas of our life ALL the blooming time.

Oh and let’s not forget how we have to balance how we show up so that we’re not “too much” or “too little” of anything - it’s important to get it juuuuusssst right.  

 

With all this pressure to get it “perfect,” it’s no wonder we’re stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. 

 

Am I right?

Siobhan-Barnes-Hong-Kong-Life-Coach-Career-Coach-Hong-Kong4

With the pressures and demands of the Perfect Woman, it can be NORMAL to wake up one day in this carefully craft life and career you’ve built and to ask:

 

“Is this it?”

 

There is nothing wrong with you. I repeat, there is nothing wrong with you.

 

An important note: The Perfect Woman Imperative is nuanced and different for each individual depending on their background, race, culture and upbringing. You may feel other expectations that you’ve experienced in your world and these are valid and important to be explored.

 

The Perfect Woman Imperative is THE thing that has women holding themselves back, settling for less and feeling like they aren’t enough or inherently worthy.

 

If you’re asking the question “Should I just be grateful for what I have?”...

 

I encourage you to look at whether your gratitude is coming from a place of genuine gratitude or it’s simply a rehearsed response your mind has trained you to say because of the insidious ways the Perfect Woman Imperative shows up and has taught us to be grateful for our lot.

 

Only you can discern this and as you read this blog I encourage you to notice how you FEEL in response to what I share.

 

If you want to go deeper into the Perfect Woman Imperative you can read out my blog post OVER HERE where I dive further into it. 

 


 

Part 2: How do you know if you’re really meant for something else or something more?

 

Quite simply you trust what you’re feeling. 

 

If you FEEL like there’s something else or something more then there’s something there to be explored!

 

Simple.

 

If your child was curious about monkeys and wanted to explore them more, you wouldn’t hesitate to allow her to dive into this. You wouldn’t be attached to where it was going. You’d just let her go for it. 

 

Without attachment to whether she’s going to make this her career or profession or how she’s going to earn a sustainable income as a primatologist. 

 

You’d just let your child explore and follow her interest….

 

Somewhere along the way as adults, we forget to allow ourselves to honour that same curiosity we had as kids. 

 

We forget that we can simply explore where our hearts and interests are guiding us WITHOUT attachment to it having to be our livelihood and income.

Yes in our careers we want to make sure we’re honouring the practicalities BUT only after we’ve explored what it is we really want. Not before.

 

When we get too in our heads and practical at the start, we kill off our desires and ideas before we’ve given ourselves the chance to explore them.

Siobhan-Barnes-Hong-Kong-Life-Coach-Career-Coach1

As adults we take things so seriously and believe that what we do has to be productive or have an ROI in order to be worthy of doing them in the first place. (Another sneaky way the Perfect Woman Imperative shows up).

 

So it’s simple, my friend. 

 

If you feel the urge to something else or something more. That’s there for a reason…trust it, honour it, listen to it.

 

Which brings me onto Part 3...

 


Part 3: Where do you start exploring that something else or something more

 

If you’re reading this far, chances are you’re feeling like you do desire something else or something more

 

You’re next question may be:

 

  • What do I do with this?
  • Where do I start?
  • What does this all mean?

 

First of all...it’s all good. BREATHE. 

 

I want to skip a beat and say, way to go for admitting to yourself that you are desiring something different! This is HUGE. 

Your next steps are really simple. 

 

Slow down. Be gentle. Get curious.

 

When you’re in this phase it’s when you are stepping into:

 

  • Being more open and receptive to receiving ideas, clues and seeds for what it is that you do desire
  • Greater connection to your intuition that will guide you on your path
  • Serendipitous encounters where you meet certain people, listen to certain podcasts, come across certain books that are pivotal on your journey

 

Be open and receptive and know there’s nothing you need to DO or CHANGE here other than to enjoy this exploratory phase. 

 

By the way, if you’re feeling called to get support on this process…

 

I’ve got a program that’s designed to support you for exactly where you’re at. It’s called Your Soul Aligned Career and you can read more about it here

 

It’s an intimate group experience designed to support you in packaging your unique talents and interests into a viable, soul-aligned career direct that truly fulfils you without losing the stability you know and love.

 

The program is part soul searching // part soul activation // part career transition project. We meet weekly for 12 weeks to ensure that you are supported every step of the way as you reorient your life + career to where your heart and intuition is guiding you.

 

This work is foundational and comes before any courses on how to build a business, how to land your dream job, or even further study for that matter (even if you have an idea of what you want to pivot into.....)

 

In Your Soul Aligned Career we'll be honouring all the necessary components required to step into who you really are, your path and purpose, your Soul Aligned Career (whilst encompassing ALL of you aka your heart-mind-body and soul). 

 

You can read all about the program over at:

 

Your Soul Aligned Career

 

Doors close this Friday 28th August. If this speaks to you, take a look at all the program details and book your exploratory call with me over HERE.  If you’re reading this after the fact you can check out the page and pop your name on the waitlist for when we open doors again.

Siobhan Barnes - Hong Kong Life Coach Career Coach - Coffee Shop White Image 1

Part 4: How to deal with the fear and uncertainty of where you’re at and the challenges around not having lots of time

 

Life is busy. Especially in 2020. 

 

We’ve got more on our plates than normal so I fully appreciate that you might not have oodles of spare time to ponder your something else or something more

 

But trust me when I say. 

 

This niggle, this seed, this calling is important. 

 

Once you’ve admitted to yourself that you want something different, it has a habit of not shaking itself off….

 

You can’t go back and ignore it because it won’t leave you alone!

 

The repercussions of honouring your body’s truth that you’re meant for something else or something more can bring up fear and uncertainty. And that’s to be expected.

 

You’re entering the world of the unknown, becoming the REAL you. And your mind is going to try and keep you safe and locked into the world you know.

 

The Perfect Woman Imperative is going to try and get you to fit into that damn black and white box…

 

The fear and unknown and staying busy in order to ignore this calling IS a way that she’ll get you.

Siobhan Barnes - Hong Kong Life Coach Career Coach - City Image8

So just know and trust that it’s part of the process and it’s to be expected. 

 

See the fear, the doubt and uncertainty for what it is: conditioning that is designed to keep you in a box. 

 

Come back to your commitment to honour the REAL you and bust free.

 

In Your Soul Aligned Career we explore the fear, the doubt and uncertainty, by meeting it. We reactivate the REAL you. As from this open and expansive place brainstorm all the ways you’re being called to explore your something else or more

In the program we test and refine your most aligned idea for your something else or something more. So that you can keep your mind on board to support you as opposed to fighting against you. It’s an intimate group experience where you’re guided and supported every step of the way! 

 

If you feel called you can check it out you can do so over HERE

 


 

That’s a wrap!

 

Today we explored: How to know if you should just be grateful for the career you’ve got.

 

In the blog post we covered:

 

Part 1: The #1 thing to address to answer the question “Should I just be grateful for the career I’ve got?”

Part 2: How do you know if you’re really meant for something else or something more

Part 3: Where do you start exploring that something else or something more

Part 4: How to deal with the fear and uncertainty of where you’re at and the challenges around not having lots of time

 

Now I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment and let me know:  

 

  • Are you feeling the call to something else or something more?
  • What are you taking away from today’s blog post

 

If you’re feeling called to be supported on navigating your next steps so that you can step into your soul aligned career, I’ve got a program that’s designed to support you for exactly where you’re at. It’s called Your Soul Aligned Career and you can read more about it here. Doors close this Friday 28th August 2020 but if you’re reading this after the fact you can check out the page and pop your name on the waitlist for when we open doors again. 

 

With love,

Siobhan

Xoxo

 

P.S. In Your Soul Aligned Career we explore the fear, the doubt and uncertainty, by meeting it. We reactivate the REAL you. As from this open and expansive place brainstorm all the ways you’re being called to explore your something else or more

 

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FREE SOUL ALIGNED WOMAN ACTIVATION WORKSHOP

GET YOUR BRIGHT LIFE WEEKLY 

Finding
clarity

Connecting your mind + body + soul

HOW CAN I BEST SUPPORT YOU?

Sustainable productivity + focus

Navigating transitions + tough times

Honouring your callings + desires

Untangling from fear, uncertainty + doubt

Wanna know more?

I’m Siobhan. That’s pronounced Shiv-On. Which rhymes with Yvonne. My friends call me Shiv, and you can do the same. I’m a mother, lover, writer and a soulful executive coach. I help women figure out why you’re here, what you’re here to do, and get to work doing it, so that you can live your life in full colour without the hustle, grind and merely surviving.

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